So turns out the revisions to separation agreement were basically a make work project for her lawyer, a rewording of the agreement we had. So the agreement is now signed, both by me and by her.
I thought I would be happy but a flood of emotions and grief hit me hard. Realizing something I built with someone for 22 years is now over, memories and moments and flashbacks of everything we had together entering my consciousness. I never thought it would hurt this much, words are hard to describe what it feels like. 2 years of riding a roller-coaster, ups and downs and feelings of hope mixed with feelings of despair, hoping the apologies were real only to realize her behavior hadn't changed. Realizing I loved this woman more than life itself and now seeing it burnt to ashes, ashes scattered with the wind, never to be put back together, a realization of what could have been and now can no longer be. Questioning my life choices and decisions and wondering why the one woman I devoted myself to for the rest of my life, through my thoughts, my words and my actions, now knowing that I was nothing more than not even a 4th or 5th option, just an acquaintance. Life must carry on but until then this is a bitter pill to swallow, but one I must ingest for my own well being
