Detaching & setting boundaries w/ clingy boomerang

[RegretfulLA]

Mama
This is so hard. To think that this man, who you gave everything to, who you built your life with, who you parented kids with, could possibly walk away is devastating. You question everything. You question whether he ever loved you (I would guess that he did and probably still does).

So WHY is this happening?

It's happening because he is seriously hurting inside and can't make sense of his pain. Some people make the wrong choices at that point (like my H). Yours doesn't seem to have done so quite yet but EA is still hurtful and horrible and it makes you feel so small.

I commend you for hanging in there. Yes, limbo is not for the faint of heart. I would encourage you to really look at your relationship as it was before he left. Take off the rose-colored glasses. Were you getting what you needed? Was he loving and supportive? Would you say you had a good marriage? In my case - the answers were no, no and no, and it took a big slap in the face for me to admit that to myself.

If your answers are no, no and no, I'd recommend you really do some soul searching. But if your answers are yes, yes and yes (or even one yes), then don't lose hope. Only you can decide when it's time to put down the torch you are carrying for him, despite the fact that you still love him. I understand this feeling so well.

Wishing you peace my friend. Keep journaling. The answers will come in time.

Oh and happy 50th! Welcome to the other side of the hill!

P.S. My H's birthday was last weekend. I did not text, call, send a card, send a smoke signal, tell anyone else to tell him hbd or post on social media. I went dark. I know this is petty but I hope he felt bad.