Well just wanted to stop in and make a little journal entry more than anything. H is still home, as of this last week he has been home 13 months. so as of now longer that he was gone. I have held my tong and got better about not expecting him to act at all like a husband in the emotional sense. He is fairly good as long as I show little to no emotion. I can tell however when I am having hard days or start to pull away he tries to engage and talk more. He has and is still seeming to withdraw quite a bit, but has started reconnecting with family more and older friends to the point of them seeing us together, so his friends know he is home. He will still not be caught dead alone with me away from the house so that is hurtful, but at least he did go trick or treating with us. He has said many things about some small plans and even some things that he knows I would like (a fence for the back yard and chicken coop).
Personally I have just gone a bit numb to it all. I am doing good with so many other things in my life but did have a bad month or so that I was just so tired and unmotivated. I hate to use the word depressed because it wasn't all sadness per-say but just wanting to hide from the world. I think I am kicking this finally and getting out of that funk. I just want this to be done. I want a somewhat normal life with my husband. I don't expect perfect but just somewhat normal. But I know that 26 months into this isn't much in the MLC world.
