I decided to test the waters emotionally for me with H. Oh boy this is way different than the few months I did a reset back in late spring . I tried to keep it light so we I asked H if he wanted to go this town 45 minutes away . They have live music on Sunday and some nice outdoor dining and shopping . H jumped on the invite . Ran he ran up in shower and took off like a bandit to go vacuum his car so it was spotless , took kids with him while I got dressed . Came back with flowers . Insert - over kill .
The drive was just awkward. I’m noticeably more quiet . This is hard to change . I’ve learned to not engage with H nearly as much because for years it was painful to talk on deaf ears . This not only goes with him but was a big life change last few years . You cause me pain or no good to my life I only engage when I have to but emotionally since BD he gets little reaction from me .
The date - once we walked around and had a glass of wine it was a lot easier . We had a lot of fun . Did some dancing . Shopping . Food was phenomenal.
Then he let me have it . He has been somewhat reserved last few weeks with R talk . Well here it came over dinner . H - I’m just so sorry . I know you don’t want to hear it again . I can’t even believe you are still here . I promise to be here and never do anything like that again . You have no idea how many times I wanted to just tell you . I couldn’t . I thought you would leave . I hid everything and tried to put on a show but you saw through it . No one would ever tolerate or be as strong as you are . I mean it when I say I really love you .
My response - stop saying you are sorry ! I get it you are sorry . Im here and I do love you , but these last few years have changed the dynamic of how I want to live and what type of spouse I want . You are doing really good , really good ….. Keep doing what you are doing and more of it . It’s not easy on this side of the table . You see a strong person but it takes work to get to this point . This is not an easy fix and will take time . I left it there because he agreed.
Went home . Spent the evening with the kids . Status quo for him . Though now he’s been super clingy and chatty .
