Originally Posted by Grok
She stays there all day and evening. I'm not sure if kids notice or not. They don't go out to her.


I'm speechless from many miles away. When you and I (and DnJ), the ones thinking more logically can't make sense of this, you know there's something really off with her. And, yes, soooo so many places to connect to wifi. Maybe answers will come someday. For now, count your blessings. 3 beautiful and healthy kids under your roof. Lots of laughs and adventure.

As I read through the many 'settlement' bullets, it's clear she has faced what she has walked away from. You bring so much to the table and now you share it with the family of 4. She's feeling her consequences.

I love those smoothies too. Keep drinking them and keep stock of them. Clearly, between the two of us, it'll be like TP during Covid. lol


Originally Posted by Grok
* 11 miles? This is the woman always rolled her eyes at my unhappiness when my commute extended another 20 or 40 minutes each way...and proclaimed she was just fine with hours in traffic running the kids around.

Funny, not funny how the shoe fits differently now. Sounds like apathy has been her thing for some time.

Originally Posted by Grok
I find myself feeling irritated sometimes. It feels like cake eating. and is in many ways. She gets happy time with the kids when she shows up without any of the work of running a household or family. As a workmate quiped, "Everyone wants to be the grandparents."

Someone you know well often says, 'better not bitter'.

Easier said than done. I know all too well. Seek better. Be better.

And, the kids may love and need it, too. It sounds like she's being a good mom.

Kids know who is doing the parenting, caring, running of the house, feeding them....and on and on. Kids know who is doing the schooling. And, they don't another grandparent. They need stability and love, as you're providing. It's not lost on them.

She's not doing this 'to' you. Frankly, she's likely doing it 'for' her and her comforts/guilt/who knows?

Detached? Ya, probably not. It's the hardest thing I've ever been asked to do. This past weekend, I told my H that "I'm not depressed. I'm healed.'

Minutes after getting home and he left, I learned just how unhealed I am. Detached, I am not.

Give yourself grace. Raising a family, maintaining a home and holding a FT job as a single parent is not for the weak. You're doing great! I really believe that!

MG