I see that you struck the word "any". Are you suggesting that he tells himself that he's not being judged but feels like he is?
Absolutely. MLCers tell themselves their narrative, their running behaviour, to try to escape their feelings.
I suspect H feels judged. From himself.
Originally Posted by MamaG
- He shared that he feels better now that he’s not being judged. He can wear what he wants, do what he wants – described teenager life without having to report back.
If one truly no longer felt something, why would they bring it up?
As an example, my empty nest and my kids. I no longer miss my kids… as much. The times throughout the day when I truly do not miss them, I don’t think of them, so I wouldn’t even mention them. The statement “I no longer miss my kids” has to have some anchoring.
To profess not to feel judged, is admitting the opposite still happens… sometimes. His daughter not talking to him, nor going to his house. Got to be some feelings there. Usually such feelings are buried with blaming. Seems H is not blaming. So, maybe something else…
Anyhow, the feelings of judging are getting less. So, valid and true, he feels better.
This lessening, to me, is a precursor to healing, to growing up. When one is fighting against their feelings, judging for example, they lash out. The brash bold teenager fighting against the judgmental system by wearing wild clothes, piercing, whatever. I mean seriously, you ever try to walk or run in pants that are hanging down at your knees. Not practical nor functional, so why do it. Rebellious. As they grow up, they pull their pants up.
I do believe H is dipping his toe into depression and withdrawal. His growth will be reflected in his actions and manner of dress. Watch his “pants”. lol. Actually, focus on you. A watched pot and all.
Originally Posted by MamaG
As for the hike, yes it happened. I was less detached and was running out of smoothies. Maybe it wasn't a bad thing. In hindsight, I question if I took bait or if our conversation happened with the real H. It seemed so real. So hard to tell.
Haha. Refill those smoothies.
Sounds like H is peeking out. Keep pressure-free. No R-talks. Time and space. Think timid squirrel. H has a lot to atone for. Imagine how difficult it will be to face all that.
He likely will duck back in for another spell. I think he’s not done, and is still baking. Time will tell.
You, keep doing what works, and less of what doesn’t. The conversations are fine, just be ready to back off really quick if things take a weird turn.
Remember, you are not at his beck and call. It’s ok to get back to him in a few days. You are pretty busy after all.
Have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
