* No home internet or cellular hot spot? * You had both, ... * Either way, why park outside my home? * You could get internet service so many other places and ways. * ..... And on.
Stop it G. You noticed disconnects. Let it go.
I agree, strange to sit (hide out) in one’s van all day and evening. She could, maybe even should, be cleaning up after the storm. Seems everyone is/was.
At any rate, yes, big red stop sign. You stopped those thoughts. It’s her life and choice, let it go.
Originally Posted by grok
I just stood there and asked what it was she wanted to talk about.
* About the financial settlement, we need to start doing it …
Yes, you should likely implement the agreed terms.
XW shared a lot of her details, and problems - both current and foreseeable. Her problems. Let go.
Originally Posted by grok
showing up
Well, XW has been showing up more often each work day and working with S12 on his homeschooling. Perhaps 15 to 20 hours each week lately. It overlaps with D17's time a home a few hours. ... It had been as few as 2 hours in a week.
I find myself feeling irritated sometimes. It feels like cake eating. and is in many ways. She gets happy time with the kids when she shows up without any of the work of running a household or family. As a workmate quiped, "Everyone wants to be the grandparents."
I remind myself I made this choice to allow her in my home during work hours for this purpose. It was never explicit, but in my mind it gave my children continuity, a single home, and avoided a custody questions. ...
why
Why does it cause me damage? perhaps we are never quite as detached as we think. perhaps I am judging rather than giving her to God.
...perhaps it has roots in HOW we love differently, makes us uniquely vulnerable in different ways...
This agreement of her helping out with school work at your home allowed you to retain sole custody. The kids stay at your home and only visit Mom if/when they wish to. I think. Correct?
XW is now coming over far more than she used to. Hopefully, positive progress is being made in S12’s homeschooling. Still, she is in your face more.
And it hurts.
But why?
Big red stop sign!
Let go!
Yes, we love deeply. Sacrifice deeply for those we love. Would die for them. Now, the really hard part. Live for them.
Find acceptance, for them. For you.
Let go, detach, accept, emotionally understand, give her to God, give yourself too (btw).
Dying for what one believes in is easy. Living for those values, therein is the test/testament.
Dying for a belief. Stubborn, rigid, stagnant, unyielding, no room to grow/evolve, and such. Dredges feelings of anger, judgement, non-forgiveness, a war-like mentally. And fighting begets fighting. All that twists inside one.
Living for a belief. Finding passion, joy, meaning, purpose, reason, and such in the endeavour. Less black and white, or right and wrong. Finding win/win outcomes. Finding your true deep wanted outcome/reason. Evolution. Becoming. Loving. Living.
Perhaps, look at, frame the situation, XW is like a tutor for S12. You’d not be upset with a tutor helping out so much.
She is also his Mom. Having her in his life will likely promote more in the positive side of the balance sheet, than if she was absent. (I do have some experience in that scenario.)
Anyhow, you are correctly asking why to the right person - yourself. Find your peace with XW/Mom’s grandparent-like dropping in.
This is in the realm of beliefs and convictions. How one lives. Why one lives. Not intellectual, not emotional. Contains both, and yet is beyond. The spiritual path, difficult to find the proper/exact wording, hopefully it comes across as intended.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
