I think the breakfast meetup went well. After an understandable initial bout of jitters it sounds like you found your center and were pretty well detached.
You DBed well. Listened and let H lead. Tossed a few truth darts. Remained pressure-free. And stood up for yourself. (Nice job with the smoothies. )
H is still being a teenager. Happily wearing what he wants, doing what he wants, and not feeling any much judgement or consequences. Yet, he is not a teenager. He is a grown man, and that grown body gets more aches and pains.
Yes, depression often is accompanied by illness and aches. Remember, depression is ever present in a crisis. H is still running, with some facets of his journey exhibiting more depression.
The “stage” of depression is dark and deep. Running no longer works. Nothing provides relief anymore. The MLCer starts to, well more forced to, dig into themselves and their pain.
Couple that internal digging with the weight of their actions and behaviours and choices starting to bear down upon them. Depression and Withdrawal, as they struggle to come to terms with their life.
The stages are nebulous. Some facets of their journey moving forward quicker than others. However, running is a long stage. And the world is full of things to distract them from their pain.
It is rather common for a MLCer to gravitate towards that which they hurt the least and that which would judge them (perceived or otherwise) the least. H asking about the dogs, yet not the kid for example. And of course, his own dog. Yes, a gleeful kid in a candy shop is apt. Such is the narrative and created fantasy of their’s.
As I said, I liked the few truth darts you tossed into his narrative.
Originally Posted by MamaG
My facial expressions may have said it all but I followed it up with “You moved out.”
You also let him know, he is unreliable and not informed of your life anymore.
However this,
Originally Posted by MamaG
I told him I will not abandon him ever and I know he’ll never abandon me (ummm. he has but it felt right to say)
Not sure what you are trying to tell him.
I’m thinking you are attempting to convey that the door is still open a crack. Yet, this statement is more a carte blanche for H. Letting him know you are sitting on the shelf, waiting.
I think I know you better than that. You are not sitting on the shelf. You are moving forward. Living life.
Now, don’t fret. It’s one statement in a couple hour long exchange. Besides, you can better illustrate what you’re trying to say through your actions.
Originally Posted by MamaG
As I lay my head down on Saturday night, I'm unsure of how I feel although I know that I miss him. I'm unsure of what to do now? Where is his head? What's he really been up to?.....
H is still playing with the unicorns and fairies.
It’s perfectly fine missing him and being unsure of how you feel. You aren’t letting your emotions lead your life. You are making decisions based upon reason and logic. Acknowledge the feelings, seek understanding of them, and let them go. Continue to move forward.
What to do now? I think you know the drill. Focus back on you.
You had a glimpse of H’s life and where he is. Did H and you have that hike/talk he suggested?
Live your life. Move forward. Don’t pursue H, let him run to catch up to you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
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