It is always interesting to hear other stitches. One part of yours that sticks out to me is the entry about his mother to go back and write about that as an adult . I recently found out my H s parents didn’t abandon him but they left him with family for an extended period . He also has a minimal relationship with his father that he in the last few weeks has begun to really open up about . I find I don’t use this as an excuse for cheating but I find the correlation rather high .
I didn’t mean to but I did chuckle at the dog guilt your wrote about . Same thing over here . I remember 5 years ago H moved out for a period of time . He would come pick up the kids and run crazy with the dog . To almost ease his mind that he abandoned the dog .
Your thoughts about you love him but it’s not healthy hit my heart today . Same emotions over here .
Put the notebooks away . Stop looking . You have seen and been through enough . You have a good idea of how deep he is in. H is in la la land thinking this is a trial separation . Just remember it takes 2 people to end a trial . You may be far gone emotionally and healed if or when he wants to end the trial. I’m finding on my end H wants to go back to the way things were many many years ago . Unfortunately whether we like to admit it or not we will never be the same as we once were . We also come out of this changed with different wants , needs or views on how we want our marriage to look and feel .
