I’d keep this knowledge to yourself. No point confronting H. Even if you decided to divorce, a more amicable H would be better to negotiate with.
His notebooks truly illustrate how broken he is. Remember, you didn’t break him, therefore you cannot fix him. H needs to do a lot of inner work, likely with the help and guidance of a good counselor. And of course, H need to be ready to actually reach out and do said work.
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Am I wired to feel rejection?
There is plenty of sad stuff within H’s notebook. However, this snippet speaks to that underlying, unreconciled, past trauma. Just imagine the neglect, torment, etc, during his early childhood informative years to foster such a self loathing and belief that he is unlovable and to always be rejected.
Such are the seeds of crisis and torment and turmoil. Now, in the waning of his life, so much feels unfulfilled, so much comes bubbling to the surface, so much will no longer remain silent. Such a lost soul.
I do empathize with your feelings. Let them go. Work through them, and let go. Take no actions based upon them. Base your course upon rational reason.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
