Grief and Gratitude, Grok - Shifting

[grok]

...Milton part next…

Late Wed evening, about 1130p the power finally went out. Annoyingly for us modern folks, so did internet access. Both the household and cellular internet went down. No more news for us. We shared another glass of wine LOL.

After those games of UNO, we went to bed (well the couch for me) listening to the wind howl and thumps on the roof from oak branches falling down. We all prayed for only small ones hitting the roof. I loaned a sleeping bag to the other man. In the end, this wind would be about the same as if I had stayed in my house. The storms path took it near to both locations.

Thursday

morning

In the wee hours of the morning I check on everything. Ever since my three were colic ridden infants (how does 18 months of that sound?), I have not been able to easily sleep through the night. I have to check all is well. … I find D19 just about falling out of the bed and almost in tears.

D19, ” Daaaaaad. They keep rolling over and spreading out and pushing me off the bed. HEEEEELP … please.’

Yeah, S12 spreads out all over…and D17 wasn’t helping on the other side.

G, ”Look D19, just shove them over. Stop worrying about them being asleep. “. And so I did. D17 woke partly and looked at me skeptically but moved over when I whispered. S12 never woke. And D19 had space. Yeah….some years of parenting and you just stop worrying about some things.

D19 whispers, ”thanks dad”

Coffee that morning was a little more difficult. I hadn’t thought it through and neither had they….although we had all the right supplies at home. Oh well. Multiple rounds with a little hand grinder, and water in a boiling pot on a camp stove …. Pour it through a strainer. LOL.

A venture outside showed branches large and small everywhere. One neighbor had a large oak tree fallen over into the driveway…right up against the house. Their back yard has a tree fallen over into an upright tree…but some of the branches are resting on their roof. I see another fallen over down the street.

I walked down the street to take a look and talk with other who are out. I hear news. The main road is blocked by downed trees and downed power lines. Some of the ways out are blocked by flooding. Just too much rain to drain away quickly.

OK! After a little food and coffee I round up my three and go outside with the others to attack initial cleanup. The whole neighborhood is doing the same. Piling debris at the curb. I start seeing a variety of off road vehicles roaming around. Those who have chain saws are out and about helping everyone. About 10 people congregate at the neighbor with the oak in the driveway. … and 30 minutes later all the small/medium limbs are chopped up at the curb … while two guys with larger trucks and chains pull the main trunk out of the driveway. We pick up their back yard and the other neighbor’s yard too.

After this I send the kids in to get ready to leave. It’s almost noon and we have cleared up our host’s place and her neighbors. I figure the main roads are likely cleared enough to drive. People are just getting it done. No waiting for some notional official services. We’ll pick up the bunny and chickens on the way, taking the risk all is OK for them at home.

jewlery

D19, ”Dad, Neighbor C just offered to give us jewelry he makes as a thank you for all the cleanup we did. He said come into his house to see. I was a bit creeped, but then he said go ask your dad first. So I think it’s OK if you come with us.”.

Hmmm… Well done D19. I said it was fine and went to talk to C. He says, ”yeah, I am so impressed by your kids. They all helped willingly and cheerfully without any asking. They are amazing. I make jewelry on the side and wanted to thank and encourage them. I told them to ask you because I don’t want them or you to think I have any other reason.”.

I talk with him a while. He’s still attached to his last XW from two years ago. Even though he caught her ”fvck’n some 25 year old”. …. “It still feels like cheating to think of someone else.”. Huh…No DB to help him. He’s a bit of a pot head, has some disabilities, has a bird named Crue after the band Motley Crue, has a signed guitar on the wall, makes jewelry out of things like bear skulls. …. We did go in and D19 / D17 selected earrings. His custom jewelry art is creative and very well done.

return

XW calls and talks with Ds as I had hands full. She drops the dogs off at my home and reports a little water in the entryway… thinking water had flooded up to the house and entered a little. I think this strange and unlikely given the path of the eye…but remain STFU.

After we pack up, our host sends us home with two plastic tubs. One of soup…and one of pancake batter. Ready to go. Kind and thoughtful. Onwards to home. It takes a while though. Stoplights are NOT working and not everyone understands the 4 way stop rule. Detours are made because trees are blocking roads and not cut up yet. Online maps are not working. Power lines laying in flooded waters…

Our little neighborhood has several oaks down, lots of branches. No signs of flood surge though. Sure enough, water in the front door was just driving rain through the seals. Power is OUT. Water is ON. And we have a lot of pickup and put away to do. I make pancakes while kids bring in the stuff, we eat, put away some, and kids all fall asleep on the living room floor. I go outside to do more recovery.

XW

XW drives up late afternoon and walks towards the front door. I glance up as I work, ”the kids are all asleep on the floor…”. XW looking tired, ”I just need a bathroom”. I just continue my cleanup as she goes in the house.

I go back inside an hour plus later. I don’t see her downstairs and the kids are still asleep amongst pillows on the floor. Huh…. Eventually S12 wakes and snacks and eventually finds XW upstairs. I hear murmuring for a bit and he comes back down. Hours pass and D19, D17 wake up and we all make dinner, eat and chill downstairs.

Eventually D17 realizes, “hey, momma is upstairs? What is she doing here? How long has she been here”

G, pausing, answering straight, “I have no idea what she is doing. She came over many hours ago while you were all asleep.”

I suspect she is sleeping on S12s bed. I have not checked or asked. Just go about my evening. All three kids just give me a look that seems to be “shrug,” and go about their evening downstairs. I found it...curious... none of them felt the need to go hang out with her.

She eventually comes down and says goodbye to the children. 9p ish? I stay STFU. She probably WAS very tired. I suspect (and don’t ask) she stayed in her van all night with the dogs after driving north out of the storms path and back again. I keep thinking of L’s mom, “well, she’s a grown woman and makes her own choices.“ I guess I do too.

We planned going to sleep downstairs, all splayed out on the floor, as that is normally cooler with no AC. After the storm has passed though, cooler air is present, and we discover it is better to open all the windows at night and sleep in our own beds.

Zzzzzzz

g