I think I should just continue to be nonchalant and continue to see what unfolds.
Focus on you. GAL. H needs to feel the loss before he will/might turn back.
Originally Posted by lonelee
I didn't offer much I just let him speak and didn't ask questions of him because I'm not sure that I should. Even though there's many I want to.
Good job. You are correct in not asking him a bunch of questions (or pleading, begging, etc.). That stuff is pressure to these folks. Too much pressure and H will run right out the door.
If he offers dialog, just listen and offer no solutions. Validating his feelings is a good idea, while remaining pressure-free. To be clear, that doesn’t mean you become a doormat to be walked all over. No way! You employ rock-solid boundaries against disrespectful behaviour, and still be kind and cordial.
And know, boundaries will be tested. H will push and prod and run head long into your boundaries. Let him. And do not waiver. Your boundaries are for you. People will treat you as you let them.
Keep any conversations business-like and/or with a generic feel. Utilize the 24-48 hour rule: Allow yourself 24-48 hours before responding. This allows you time to calm your emotions and answer from a place of reason and detachment. It also allows you time to decided if you actually need to respond. Those general questions from H, is him trying to assuage his guilt. No need to reply to that stuff. Let him feel the loss.
It takes time for H to burn through his anger/feelings towards you. Some of his texts and stuff will be him trying to re-ignite his feelings. Don’t take his bait.
Going dim/dark is for your mental/emotional health first and foremost. Coupled with 24-48 hours, which will limit conversations, and in time H might come up with: “Hey, lone hasn’t been bugging me for a while, and I’m still upset. Hmmm, maybe she’s not the cause after all.” And maybe H starts looking inward. Or maybe he redoubles his upset-ness and blame and justifications. Shrug, you cannot control him, only yourself.
Time is a gift. And you have the gift of time. Use it wisely.
Focus on you. Dig for patience.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
