Returning newbie here

[DnJ]

Good lonelee

I’m sorry you’re back for another spell. Looks like H is continuing his pattern of bomb dropping.

So .... This is a good first step yes?
I played the situation pretty good ? Yes?

You have made good first steps. Letting him reach out to you, keeping your emotions in check, not pleading or begging or such, etc.

Do continue. Focus on you.

Detachment is the single best thing you can do for yourself.

I confronted him with some lying about the last six months he said it was not his intentions didn't plan it etc. I asked how in was supposed to trust him now?
He said you'll believe what you'll believe. I said why wouldn't I why shouldn't I please explain.
He said he had no intention of falling for this person, I wasn't looking for it in was perfectly happy I let my guard down.

He is trying to gaslight you, to bamboozle you. “Let his guard down”. BS. Loyalty, faithfulness, and such tenets are lived, are within, are part of a person; one doesn’t have to have their guard up like they’re going to get blindsided by some sucker punch. Most of these folks go looking for it.

I'm worried about your migraines. I responded after heavy thought that they essentially will cont until some things resolve or get discussed further . Kids finances insurance etc he said he gets it lots to work through. Exactly. Hard to do at a distance .

This stuff does take a toll. Do not allow your health - mental, emotional, financial, etc. - to suffer too much.

Dig deep for patience. Go dark. Live and love your life. As if H isn’t coming back. Find your peace.

H is in lala land for the moment. High on infatuation. Anything you try to do to dissuade him will only push him onward. Let go the rope. Or be dragged.

Now, financially. Speak with a lawyer. H was constructing a house for you two. Find out the debts and assets that you are responsible for and entitled to. Dig into all accounts/ pensions/ etc. You may need to consider removing your half from the equation. Unhappy straying spouses can burn through a life time of savings pretty quickly.

If you need financial protection or security - get it!

Doing so will not prevent Divorce Busting efforts. Remember, you have a lot of life to live and fund.

Again, I am sorry you are here again.

I do look forward to conversing with you.

D