Hes trying to have his cake and eat it too. You are not giving him direct consequences for his actions. You should have zero contact with him, hes perfectly comfortable in the situation he has with you now, so theres no incentive for him to realize he messed up and he feels no need to take your marriage and how serious this situation is. You need to make him feel like losing you is a very really and possible outcome of this. You need to talk to people you can confide in and seek out a therapist for yourself immediately. Do not talk to him about how you feel or try to change his mind, he is living in an altered state of infidelity induced reality. Anything you do to try to win him over will be seen in a comparative light to the other person. You should never have to compete for him nor will you benefit in any way whatsoever if you try. He sees you as the reason for his unhappiness in his clouded mind and the other person as the solution to his problem. Let his world collapse with the thought of losing you and everything else you built together. Focus on you first and foremost and then secondly on your children, be their support system but treat him like a stranger with no access to you. He is not your spouse anymore. Hes an acquaintance and a business partner and no more.
