Always good to read back on some older threads. Not all stiches are the same but they all have so many of the same qualities to them . I think for myself I made changes a long time ago . Even within the last few years I would say most of my growth happened and stuck . The GAL I enjoy is traveling with my kids and my friends . I did a lot of this alone with them and if I’m being honest the trips I took alone without H were the ones I enjoyed the most. The chaos and tone he would bring was very off putting . I became very independent and just continued on with what I wanted to do and brought me happiness .I can look back and really only see the one thing I would change . I allowed myself to be comfortable and ignore being treating so poorly by my spouse and allowing bread crumbs and cake eating. But I do not know if I would even change that because it also taught me what I want and expect from H now . Reflection is a useful tool for me . I take quite a bit of time throughout my day. I am happy with my life and who I am . I feel like I went on the journey to find out who I am a long time ago . So either I am going to allow H to begin to repair or I am going to just move on alone . But no decision needs to be made today .
I really read over the post of questions that they wanted answered . For me it’s not as many . I did decide to ask H a few :
What are you doing or plan on doing in order for me to begin to trust you again ?
H - this is a tough one . You do not ask to look at my phone . You do not ask where I am . You ask me nothing. You do not want location put on my phone . So I try to give you as much information in small doses as I can . You haven’t even asked me not to see my friends but I’m taking a big step back from that too . I do my best to come home on time . You asked for consistent behavior and I know it will take time . I talk to my counselor about ways to improve myself and gain trust . Sometimes it’s hard because it’s not like you are walking around crying. You are just quiet so I let you be quiet and know I am just home if you need anything .
I did get hit with a return question from H. What makes you think I can’t do this ? My response was simple, maybe a bit defensive but simple . I never said u couldn’t then I asked the next question .
Why do you want to repair this marriage ?
H- I never want to live like that again . It was awful . The guilt ate me alive . You have no idea how much better I feel not living like that or knowing I never what to live like that again . It’s not only for us I am doing this . My children deserve a whole family . They learn from me how an H should treat a W. I’m embarrassed of what I have taught them . I also want to teach them you learn from your mistakes and show you are apologetic by new behavior.
Now he’s either got a really good counselor, been given some very powerful drugs or just full of it until I trust him again .
