Grief and Gratitude, Grok - Shifting

[grok]

Interlude, What do they see?

These three living breathing amazing humans

A week ago? While XW's last angora rabbit was still alive I was trying to provide some care. It lived on the back porch and before bed each night I made sure it had food and water. Since she was in the home often I left it to her to do all the other care. Just like the first one though, I came back from a week away for work and found it living in and covered with it's own poop and pee and fleas. It was unable to stand anymore. XW had promised many times over the past year to take it to her place as she had plans…
…
I heard D17 and D19 discussing. ”You tell momma she has to take it or give it to someone.” “Why do I have to always be the one?” “She listens to you sometimes.” “It’s her business, not mine.” “But I can’t! She doesn’t listen. “
…
D17 sadly, ”Dad, I told momma it needed a rescue place and she said she’d look for one.”
…
I took it into the back yard and hosed it off. I got most of the filth off. It was very skinny with patches of bare skin. It couldn’t stand. I put food and water where it could reach without walking around.
…
D17, ”Dad, I don’t think the bunny will make it. It will be just like the other one.”
G, softly, ”I know D17…. You are right. ….. “

And I stood there by the back porch with a tightness in my chest and tears in my eyes. Not just for a rabbit. But for all this represented … how we got to this point. The subtle low level chaos destruction death.

She could see it in me. She came over and gave me a hug as tight as she could with 17 year old gymnast muscles.

D17, softly, ”Dad, we know you are doing the very best you can.”


g


Afterward

The next morning it was dead.

D17, ”Dad, you tell momma OK? I don’t want to. Don’t be … mean OK?”

(The kids had said when the previous rabbit died she didn’t handle it well, going out to her van, crying and beating herself up over letting it die, for she did. I had said nothing and kept to STFU smoothies)

G, ”OK D17. I will. In this and other things I … … just stick to the facts and leave it at that. Anything else is up to her.”

D17 nods.



Sad news to relay today. Your rabbit died.

I thought she was near to it. Thank you for letting me know. I will take of her when I come by in the morning.

I took care of it.

Okay. Thank you.