Oh the boundaries being tested this week . I requested to not talk R until I’m ready . Didn’t mean for that one to strike a cord with H but it did . So be it . Random message from H about something within R. Along the lines of I don’t want you going through this alone . I’m here and will listen . Didn’t go over well with me . H was a bit taken back when I didn’t bite but he brought it up later again casually .So I said not mean but direct -I asked you not to bring anything up right now and give me space and you broke that . H responded I do not want you ignoring anything that is bothering you or just walking around holding things in until you want to end this. My response I was very proud of. I’m not holding anything in nor will I . I’m processing through everything at my own pace and time allow me this time .I want an equal spouse and will not settle for a relationship that I turned a blind eye to ever again . H took it like a champ and said he was sorry and when I’m ready he will just listen .
Actions speak louder than words . I have continued to do the things I love . Spend a lot of time with the kids always my biggest source of joy . Been enjoying shopping for me here or there . Building my friendships outside of my family with my small group I have . On the H action front H is spending an enormous amount of time home like he has been for the last few months but since BD noticeably even more . Much appreciated to have him keep helping out . I was drowning for many years . Continues to not be on his phone at all and puts it in clear view -odd but nothing to do about that one , which was a huge thing for a long time during A. But the one action that seems a bit different in the last few days I notice is he has the odd sense of calm and smiles when he comes home . Even to just say hello when he walks in . Just a tad refreshing actually.
