I am glad you are finding peace, and sharing your hard-eared wisdom. Yes, discovering and remaining true to one’s self, one’s morals and values, is such a worthy path.
Originally Posted by Catman19
THEY have to earn your trust, THEY have to earn your forgiveness.
Interestingly, we/LBS have to (re)learn/(re)discover how to trust and forgive after betrayal. And yes, trust is an earned thing.
The first, trust, starts with trusting ourselves. It takes a purposeful conscious effort to keep one’s heart soft and squishy and not allow it to harden towards others, life, and self. It’s a willingness to trust again, to believe again.
That willingness leads into forgiveness as well. A willingness to forgive, it’s not an effect from some cause, it’s not something earned. In fact, there is nothing they could do to earn your forgiveness. Forgiveness must be given, not earned.
Forgiveness is for you. It frees you. Frees you from holding grudges, a need for retribution, or retaliation. It writes “paid in full” on whatever invoice your heart is holding. Believe me, one’s heart needs to be squishy to accomplish such.
This is not some free pass either. One still holds them accountable for their actions. Along with holding oneself accountable.
Being trustworthy, or untrustworthy is more easily seen from actions. It’s more straightforward. Accountability for their actions and behaviours. They can be held as untrustworthy and yet still be forgiven.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Realize what you are forgiving. The sin, the deed, the transgression; not the person. Trying to forgive the person, places one upon a false moral high ground from where we decide and dispense forgiveness. We are ill-equipped. No man can see all ends. No man can judge a soul worthy or not. Only God can forgive the soul. We mere mortals forgive the deed.
You love the person, and forgive their actions. This has nothing to do with if they deserve forgiveness, or not; if they’ve earned it, or not. It has everything to do with you. Those deeply held values and convictions.
Forgiveness frees you. Heck, they might not even know you forgive them (their deed). Often they don’t know. It’s not like you have to tell them. Forgiveness is for you.
I think you are doing very well my friend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
