Grief and Gratitude, Grok - Shifting

[grok]

Return day
Two weeks later and I’m back. Vacation time was good for the soul. Although I’ve been reading others stories on and off, I focused on being present in the moment with parents, sisters, niece and nephew, some old friends from high school I’d lost touch with, and assorted others. Trying mostly successfully to not let today, court day, be on my mind.

Out in CA, we ended up swimming, boating, and paddle boarding in seven (or 8 for D17 and D19) bodies of water. Lakes and rivers are all good to swim in unlike my home state. Time spent at 1000, 2000, and 6000 feet elevation. Stickers bought at a variety of visits to put on our water bottles.

Perhaps another time I’ll tell some stories. I can tell S12, D17, and D19 had a good time…because when we got home and finally in bed…I visited each one when they had tears an hour and a half later. ”Dad, I miss them!”.

Yesterday started at 0200 wake up for 0230 departure. (After the kids were up with cousins and their Nana until after 11pm). An hour drive to the airport, bag check in and wait for security to open up at 0400. Boarding at 0430 and 0500 departure. The flights still made D19 nauseous, but they all slept most of the flights. Small blessings. It was 4:30p on the east coast by the time we got home.

D19 and I went and picked up the dogs from the kennel and vet. Her eyes popped wide when she heard the bill. Three dogs for 13 nights plus treating big dog for an infection. I’ve been having a slow conversation with the children about how much pets actually cost to have….

Dropped them at home and off to the grocery store to get us through a few days. A rotisserie chicken and veggies and fruits and of course popsicles. Made some dinner. AND off to the brew pub for Trivia Night GAL! Friendly fun for two hours. Me time.

Then minor prep for D day. I review the court’s emails. I print a set of all the documents just in case. STBXW stops at the curb for goodnights. Interesting phrasing sometimes from her, “I am outside for whoever wants to come out.”

Court day
Up and cared for dogs, made basic breakfasts, got myself presentable, then helped D19 before she left for work with a tire mostly flat, slow leak, 10psi.

I departed for the court into standstill traffic outside our neighborhood. Curiously enough I see STBXW pass by in the traffic just before I pull out. Here we are going to court and we keep ending up side by side in traffic. She pulls in behind me after a while but I chose a different route then her. I find a space in a city parking garage. When I came back out later, I found she had parked four spaced down from me. Of all the many floors and hundreds of spaces. So many of our patterns remain so similar to each other.

I went and sat by her outside the courtroom and on the benches in the courtroom. I think I was successful at being calm, polite, non-hostile, busy with my own work. The Judge was very fast with us. Mediated and no lawyers and no outstanding disputes. STBXW did forget to mention child support was non-standard and mentioned to me after we walked out of the courtroom. I suggested she talk with the judge’s case manager. I walked away, busy with MY life, and didn’t follow her. We’ll see if this creates the final order or not. Don’t know.

Got a haircut/beard trip. Gassed up the truck and got slushies while there for D17 and S12 at home. Worked on health care three stage high deductible payments…to make sure I’m claiming all the right things. Living life. Not much thought about STBXW even today.

I was only knocked down feeling crushed I can’t breathe twice today. EA/PA and D is f*** evil.
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