I don’t know I fully realized until recently how hard this would be again to do . H continues to follow me around when home . Telling me he loves me to the point of nausea. Complimenting me . This has been going on for months but more of an uptick of it now . Randomly other night I’m assuming it was middle of night . H says I really love you more than anything and I’m sick that I hurt you this bad. I responded I know because I didn’t know what to say . I’m still working on getting better at my hearing skills and validating . Feels good to not be so chatty and just listening because that little voice really wanted to just give it to him but I didn’t and for that I’m proud. But also paying more attention to actions a bit more . New clothes were definitely noticed but I don’t really care H noticed ,feels good just to dress nicer. I’m struggle when I read about people changing and growing for themselves as I have been for many years content and very happy with my path ,with who I am and how I manage my life . The more I look back at the last two years of me saying nothing about H and his habits and A ,maybe I was unintentionally DB and not even realizing it. I continued on with life . Continued to do things I loved and built a stronger network around me with solid life long relationships . Ignored his craziness to the best of my ability. The deeper I dive in there’s not much I would change except standing up for myself a little bit more . But I also didn’t take it lying down either . Over the last year I have said multiple times I deserve someone who wants to be with me and build a life . If that’s not you then go but don’t string me along and throw me bread crumbs . At some point I’m going to have to talk to H because I can only validate for so long and move along . I have been asked countless times by H to just talk about me .I respond with I need a lot more time and some space .
I'm not sure why you are allowing all of this verbal spew. Words mean nothing without actions.
Listening and Validating is one thing... but this isn't what's happening here. Your H can't "handle" what he did/does - so he alleviates that guilt by apologizing over and OVER. It doesn't mean anything until there is consistent actions behind it. It doesn't mean anything until YOU FEEL DIFFERENT.
Why not set a boundary on a few of these things? Like following you around or saying "I love you" all the time.
You have asked for space and he's not giving it to you. How can YOU enforce that boundary? You can't control him. If he won't give you space.. it's up to YOU to end the conversation. It's up to YOU to walk out of the room.
It's up to YOU to prioritize your needs above his needs. Being "understanding" w/o boundaries has helped get you here. It does no good doing the same thing and expecting different results.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
