I don’t know I fully realized until recently how hard this would be again to do . H continues to follow me around when home . Telling me he loves me to the point of nausea. Complimenting me . This has been going on for months but more of an uptick of it now . Randomly other night I’m assuming it was middle of night . H says I really love you more than anything and I’m sick that I hurt you this bad. I responded I know because I didn’t know what to say . I’m still working on getting better at my hearing skills and validating . Feels good to not be so chatty and just listening because that little voice really wanted to just give it to him but I didn’t and for that I’m proud. But also paying more attention to actions a bit more . New clothes were definitely noticed but I don’t really care H noticed ,feels good just to dress nicer. I’m struggle when I read about people changing and growing for themselves as I have been for many years content and very happy with my path ,with who I am and how I manage my life . The more I look back at the last two years of me saying nothing about H and his habits and A ,maybe I was unintentionally DB and not even realizing it. I continued on with life . Continued to do things I loved and built a stronger network around me with solid life long relationships . Ignored his craziness to the best of my ability. The deeper I dive in there’s not much I would change except standing up for myself a little bit more . But I also didn’t take it lying down either . Over the last year I have said multiple times I deserve someone who wants to be with me and build a life . If that’s not you then go but don’t string me along and throw me bread crumbs . At some point I’m going to have to talk to H because I can only validate for so long and move along . I have been asked countless times by H to just talk about me .I respond with I need a lot more time and some space .
