Lots of leaving spouses, consciously and subconsciously, partake in behaviours and actions to attempt the LBS to take steps towards divorce. They want the LBS to be the bad guy. They’ll bait, start arguments, etc, to try to get the LBS to do the work. Sidestep H’s traps. Leave the heavy-lifting to H. He’s the one who wants out.
That being said, if one needs financial security or protection, then get it. Otherwise, let it be.
You are correct, with all of that, do not be a doormat. Boundaries, focusing on you, going dim/dark, etc. Leave H to his unacceptable and disrespectful behaviour. You cannot control it, nor him; only yourself.
Any reconciliation will be creating a new relationship, not saving the old marriage. In that respect, divorced or not matters little.
In fact, what matters is you. Do for you. Take the time to heal, to live, to find your peace. Which I know you are. You’re levelheaded and not making rash decisions.
Continue moving forward. You got this.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
