Hi folks, I'm popping in to provide an update on my sitch and after that I'll send some hellos and comments to the posters who helped me so much during my most difficult moments.

My D is progressing, albeit much slower than I anticipated. And that is coming from someone who expected this to take a while. I had one of the most enjoyable summers of my life this year, spending a ton of time with my kids, friends, and family doing things we love. I haven't had a drop of alcohol for 7 months and am as fit as I hoped to be at 40. There are some exciting things happening in my career and my social life is very busy, both of which I attribute to the slow and steady GAL approach I learned here.

I am coming up on 1 year since Dday which is cause for reflection. That was a difficult time to say the least, and in the weeks and months that followed I experienced a lot of fear about the future. My entire life was anchored to my marriage, including how I saw myself as a person. If my W saw so little value in me that she was willing to cheat on me and lie about it for years, what did that say about who I was? In the 12 months since that event I have rebuilt myself and my life to the point that I hardly recognize the guy who had those thoughts - I say "hardly" because I do keep in touch with the behaviors that lead me down that road so that I don't repeat them in the future. I still have difficult moments, but they have been reduced from bad weeks to bad days. I'm close to reducing them further to only to bad hours. I see myself emotionally as a rubber band with ever-increasing elasticity: when things started a single comment from my W could send me into a tailspin and I'd feel bad for a few days. Now even the worst thing wouldn't impact me for more than a moment. This happened when I detached my self worth from her (or anyone's) opinions of me.

My STBXW has continued to live in a less than healthy way. She has a drinking problem and has refused therapy during the divorce process. She does not take care of herself. I have concerns for her ability to parent effectively but I also know that she is not mine to fix or control, so I let it go as long as my kids are safe.

I filed back in April and while we have custody and asset division largely decided, W is being difficult about support. She has both a BA and masters but she is determined not to go back to full time work and would like for me to pay her accordingly. Her family's wealth is going to cushion her post-D so I am being firm in what I'm willing to do/not do. It's perplexing but I do think it's part of the wayward wife mindset and am confident I'll come to a settlement that works for me and the kids.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me during those very dark moments nearly a year ago, without your guidance I don't know where I would be. To those who may be going through a difficult period, know that if you put in the work and follow through with action your life will improve immensely.