Detaching & setting boundaries w/ clingy boomerang

[RegretfulLA]

Hi Mama,

I can see the progress you're making! I too am so grateful for the support received here - thank you DnJ and everyone for your gentle encouragement.

First of all, I'm glad to hear that your H is getting medication. Depression is real and medication really can help. It may not bring him back, but hopefully it helps him find some relief for his troubles. I think it's a great first step, and I love that he's gotten a dog. The dog will be good for him, I hope. If he can heal, maybe there's hope for your M - if that's what you decide you want.

One of the things that really helped me about 5 years ago when things were bad, and I was feeling sorry for myself was reminding myself that if he chooses to walk away, ignore me, etc is that it's HIS LOSS!!! You are an awesome lady and if he can't/couldn't see that, then that's on him, not you!! You don't feel sorry for yourself, you feel sorry for HIM.

What gets me is that I miss H's company, jokes, embrace, comfort...etc. and these thoughts slap me in the face all too often. Still.

This is hard... Even if you find a new person, you might always miss something about him. I have known my H since I was 12 years old. We have a lot of shared history. It's like that old song "Always Something There to Remind Me." Yep... it's hard. Like experiencing a death. I think that's why we hold on so tightly. It's kind of all that we know, for better or for worse.

But - your detachment is exactly the right thing to be doing. Time to let go of his drama, stand tall, move forward and focus on your own enjoyment.

Now I need to follow my own advice!