Rumspringa

[mamabird]

Thanks Mama! Unfortunately today there was a real setback.

Warning: venting ahead!

I was going through my credit card statements and there were two charges I didn't recognize - so when I looked into them they were TINDER AND HINGE!! Yes, my H charged his HOOKUP APPS to my credit card!! I am certain H didn't do this on purpose - my card had been connected to his Apple Pay so we could charge other normal things to it. And like I said, he's so not careful with money. Not excusing him... I don't think it was consciously malicious though.

Well - as anyone could imagine - I basically lost it with this and dashed off a series of very angry texts followed by a very angry phone call with a lot of yelling. At first H was only apologizing for charging to my card. He SERIOUSLY DIDN'T GET that what he did was a GIGANTIC SLAP IN THE FACE. Sorry for all the caps, I'm still so pissed, and rightly so. By the end of the phone call I think I got him to understand that what he's doing is incredibly hurtful and damaging. It won't stop him from doing it, however.

I don't see how we move past this. Yes, I understood that he wanted to "sample the buffet" but at the same time having it right in your face is so awful... so, so awful. At this point I cannot imagine taking him back. How could he possibly right these set of wrongs AND THEN also come back into this M in the way I need him to be? I just don't think he has it in him... and if this is what it has taken for me to finally see that, then I guess that's good. I just can't with him anymore, at least for right now. This one really pushed me over the edge and sapped the very last bit of goodwill I had towards him.

My biggest fear - honestly - is losing my house. It's not being alone, it's not seeing him with some other person, it's losing my house. Whatever happens, I cannot lose this house!

I'm not sure what's worse - leaving your wife for random hookups or leaving your wife for an affair? I think random hookups is way worse!!!