Grief and Gratitude, Grok - Shifting

[grok]

Wednesday on the way to CA
Routing on our trip to CA made a long day to get less expensive tickets. The second flight was IAD to SMF, a 5.5 hour leg. So, I’ll pull some thoughts while D19 is emoting unhappily next to me about how airplanes make her feel bad and I practice validation of feelings.

I have this whole series of thoughts that all somehow fit together. I’m not quite sure how to tie them and interlock them.

- Freedom in faith vs bondage in law from Galatians

- Anarchy vs vows/covenants from GK Chesterton.

- Chaos (feminine) vs Order (masculine) from MarriedRedpill and more

- Women who walk away vs good men from @thehappywifeschool on YouTube

- Victim vs Victim’s Mentality from Tony Evans

YouTube
I’ve been watching a bunch of YouTube videos lately on relationships and attraction. Mostly from recommendations here and a few that found linked to them. I’ve been learning a lot. Do I take it all at face value? No, but there is a lot of truth there.

@thehappywifeschool
@CaseyZander
@LFA
@bettercallgeorge924
@hoe_math and female reactions to his analysis
@FarfromEden
@itsmelanieking
etc…

Loss
@thehappywifeschool has a series talking to W. Teaching them about their own dark sides and nature. Where their unhappiness comes from. She has one addressed to LBH -When Your Wife Leaves You: Three Things Good Men Need to Know. I find her message lines up with DB concepts

- Accepting the Reality of the Situation - The existing R or M is GONE.

- Growth Through Adversity - If you do the work you will experience tremendous growth

- 1 Your Wife Leaving is a Loss - Accept it is a LOSS.

- 2 Your Wife Will Have Her Emotional Hooks in You - DETACH or be dragged. Let go.

- 3 Time to Find Yourself and Rebuild - In all the roles you have assumed over the years, who are YOU?

- Message for Women Who Are Leaving - Wherever you go, there you are with the same unhappiness. Leaving does NOT solve your problems. i.e. You are not the source of her unhappiness. Wherever she goes, she her unhappiness will be there (You didn’t break her, You can’t fix her)

Depression, despair and a victims mentality
Segments pulled from from Tony Evans': Encouragement that Calms Fears

Most of us know at least discouragement. Discouragement typically is related to a loss of something. You discourage because you lost your job.
…
You discourage because you lost your health. You discourage because the bills have climbed up and you've lost your financial freedom. But when discouragement continues and elongates itself, discouragement devolves into depression.
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Depression is discouragement on steroids. It's discouragement that now has produced an ongoing level of gloom, an ongoing level of emotional pain. And when discouragement becomes depression, depression unresolved becomes despair.
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And when depression becomes despair, that ongoing discouragement produces a sense of hopelessness. You see no way out. You see that there's gonna be no exit sign.
…
There's no way to get around this thing. There's no way to beat this thing. It will not go away.

So here we are (I was), the LBS. Discouraged > Depression > Despair.

And there is a need for a supernatural intervention into your emotional stability and wellbeing. That's our situation with Elijah. He's gonna find himself, what many of us have often found ourselves, in a black hole, because his whole world is gonna be turned upside down in a day.
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A victim's mentality is a mindset that you adopt because of negative circumstances that says, I'm where I am because everybody else is where they are.
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That's a victim's mentality. Now, you can be a victim, but you are to never adopt a victim's mentality where everybody else is responsible for where you are.
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A victim's mentality is because of them, I'm here. And as long as you have that kind of mentality, you'll always be there. You may be a victim, but you are to never adopt the victim's mentality because then that allows you to put off being responsible to make the change you should make because they're not making the change they should make.”
…
There are some things in your life that are never ever gonna change. Those people are not gonna change, those kids not gonna change, that mate not gonna change, Jezebel's not gonna change, your boss not gonna change, the circumstances is not gonna change, but if you live for their change, you become their victim. And that's a victim's mentality.
….
It may not be right. It may not, it may be evil. So you may be a victim, but that's different than adopting the mindset of a victim.
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If it wasn't for this situation, I wouldn't be here. Okay, that may be true, but they may never change. So what are you gonna do?

What are YOU (am I) going to do? Are you (am I) going to be responsible for making the changes you should make?

There is a LOT of good advice right here in this forum. Doesn’t make it easy. It doesn’t change the question.

What depression, discouragement, despair often brings is distorted information.
…
So Elijah is by himself, because depression gets worse if there's nobody in your life to change your thinking. See, if you're feeling sorry for yourself and you're talking to yourself, that's a bad conversation for yourself. You're already feeling sorry, and there's nobody to talk to but you, about you, regarding you, to tell you what you ought to do, and you aren't in a place to even hear you correctly, and what you are telling you is only related to how you feel, then your discussion with yourself is helping yourself to become worse off about you.

You need to be lifted out of your discouragement through honesty with God, through taking care of yourself physically in order to get the rest you need or the help you need, and to have somebody in your life who loves you
…
and you need to know from somebody who can see outside of you

Well, you are HERE (I am HERE). Take care of yourself. Talk to and Listen to those here outside of yourself.

Some things won’t change
If you live for their.change you become their victim
That is a victims mentality

Rediscovering who I am and who I want to be.

Want by Birdtalker

I don't want to have feet of stone
I want to follow this river of life where
It will have me go
I don't want to have feet of stone

I don't want to have a dagger tongue
I don't want my words to be a weapon
But a healing bond
I don't want to have a dagger tongue

I don't want to have a heavy mind
I don't want to hold these thoughts
That are chains of iron
I don't want to have a heavy mind

I want to have eyes of love
Count the beggar mans life precious life as my own
Offer my back for my brothers load
I want to have eyes of love

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