So today i had the X served with papers, she was asked by lawyer (as i was given a copy) whether she wanted to be served personally or a legal representative. She was also informed that if she chooses to go to court that she will have to pay the court costs. I feel i have been left no choice but to take this process as i didnt want to have to spend this much money when we had drafted an agreement but i did not want to sit in financial and emotional limbo. Communicating with lawyer has added a little bit of stress on the days it happens, as i feel im reliving things i do not want to. I get less bad dreams, most of them are me chasing her and then her still talking to others and me feeling hurt. It is the only part of my recovery i cannot control, the subconscious part of our brain is the last hold out in the healing and moving forward process. I am hoping that a court date does not get set because if it happens it will force me to fly back for an appearance and i really do not want to blunt my progress, and now with work i have some fiduciary responsibilities. Work is going great, im starting to feel more comfortable and i have exceeded any goals that I have set for myself.
Whenever i feel down or even when things are going well for me, i find myself going to my spot of refuge and praying with intent, mostly praying for strength and being thankful for the things in my life that i have and are going well. This has done wonders for my psyche and i make it a habit of waiting and sitting on chapel steps and watching the sunset and taking in the fresh air (full of eucalyptus trees) and listening to the sound of the wind at the mountain top. I have begun taking artistic pictures of beautiful things i see in nature and practicing my photography skills in the progress.

While all of this is going on i am starting to get closer to the woman i am seeing and i feel a real connection with her everything feels and seems so easy around her and we share so much common ground that everything seems natural between us. While i know this is not the solution for my healing, it has created some fond new memories and restored some of my faith that there are women out there that share the same values as me. We are taking it slow and i feel that is the right way to do this, i am opening up as is she slowly and there has been absolutely zero conversation about our exes, and thats what i wanted. I did not want a connection forged on negative energy and feelings but rather one built on shared values and priorities. I did not plan to meet someone this soon, nor did i go out of my way for it to happen, i told myself that i would be open to it happenning but not lose focus on my own personal goals and alter my routine. It almost feels like she was the right person to enter my life at the right time. I am not getting overconfident nor am i refocusing my emotional energy on this woman but i am enjoying the moments and living in them when they happen. I truly feel i am ready to explore this further. I have made a conscious effort for a year and a half not to seek out anyone but work on my own well being and figuring out what i wanted in my life and what i want in a partner, i do not want to settle for someone who is broken and needs a saviour but someone who sees the world the same way as i do.

Thank you for listening, remember guys there is life after betrayal and hurt, do not rush it, do not force it, let what may come happen, have faith and stay humble and true to your values and beliefs. These are what you carry with you for life and what build and solidify your identity, never compromise who you are for anyone, you are only hurting yourself. Unfortunately we cannot fix others nor should we destroy ourselves in a futile attempt. We have to be at peace with who we are to succeed in anything that we do in our lives.