A return new comer

[Caligirl]

Thank you both. I took a couple days just to breathe and let the dust settle from this. I needed that to clear my head. You are absolutely right I am by nature a care taker and always put myself last out of fear of others. Oxygen mask much needed. To the point of exhaustion.

To answer the question: H does not want separate bedrooms, I do not have a spare bedroom. I am also not a huge fan of the kids seeing a parent on the couch and super protective that way. Farthest thing from what he wants and communicated this week is being banished to the couch. And yes I understand that this is this week.

I have communicated minimally and many times am trying to balance a deer in head lights look. One thing he said very clearly was you were the first person who just gave me space and allowed me to sort through the jumbled mess in my head. I did respond to that and said I deserve a spouse who is committed to being here. If you choose to leave I will not stop you but I will not help you either.

Financially I do not need him he knows this. The home is solely mine, purchased prior to marriage. Does it make life better sure but I would be fine alone. What I have really been pondering is do I have this in me for another go around?

The rock bottom is just tough. I have never seen this man cry the way he has cried over the last few months but then did change into a better person. When he speaks he does mention the plans he had on leaving months and years back but says I put that to rest and committed to what I wanted in my life.

Not to think for him or even defend his actions but the B drop was also a B drop on him where everything he did and stopped doing was dropped at the same moment. So more questions he said he’s here because this is where he wants to be and that he loves me. Felt like he lost me many years ago and was just starting to get me back. I didn’t say much because doing nothing is doing something.

Now I feel like he’s a little hawk watching my every move and I don’t like it. I’m very independent and have strong good healthy friendships but I can’t even talk on the phone without him just walking by. And I’m not leaving my home to talk to my friends and family. He did this not me nor do my children need to see me leaving frequently.