At what point do you just move forward? H did not move out. I guess when push came to shove and he was given an empty house and told to take whatever he wanted a dose of reality hit pretty fast . I don’t even know where to begin . He has been pouring his soul out last few days about things I never knew . I listen . Do not know what else to do . He gave me password to phone for a third time . I remembered it from months ago didn’t need it nor do I want it . I’ve not brought up R talk he does . He said something randomly about his friend who really hit rock bottom years ago with drinking . My only response was it’s ok to ask for help . Sometimes we all just help . He starting bawling .
I think the first thing YOU need to do is breathe. You are currently on your own emotional rollercoaster ride - which is okay, we've all been there.
In a moment of emotional calmness - go back and read the advice given to you on this board. From there - decide on what are few things you can do to take care of yourself. Currently - you are coming to us asking questions... but then not responding and asking more questions. Again - this is normal however won't be helpful for your healing or well being. We cannot tell you what to do - only give thoughts on how to provide enough emotional stability for you to decide what is best for you.
I personally do not think you can take care of YOURSELF as long as you are "there" for your H is all of his chaos. He's taking up too much air in the room, there is no oxygen for yourself!
But I also think this has been your pattern so perhaps you taking care of yourself might feel "wrong", "selfish", "guilty". Taking care of yourself might make you afraid that it will push your husband away, make him angry, and the most fearful thing - end your marriage.
This is all false. The best chance any of us have, married or not, to be happy in this world and to show up in all of our relationships to the best of our ability - is to take care of ourselves FIRST.
Mentally, Emotionally, physically.... it really is true what they say on every airplane ride.
"Put your own oxygen mask on first... before helping others".
So what does putting on your oxygen mask look like to Caligirl?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
