First Post - Confusion

[grok]

Hi everyone.

Really don't know how to put this all together without writing a novel.

Write away! Look at my posts... I try and keep it short but end up writing short stories. It ends up being a form of journaling for me. ... where I know people here understand.

First week of July my wife asked for separation/divorce. Had a lawyer.

She has been detaching / planning for a while.

A few days ago she presented me with a trial separation agreement and said she will leave this Saturday (2 days from now). She has not revisited the conversation.

It is written for HER interests. What are yours?

I have convinced her to go to marriage counseling.

So far as I know, this only works when BOTH parties are in it to make it work. If she is not, it won't.

But still has not pulled back from moving out.

She made up her mind/feelings and screwed up courage to do it. It won't be that easy to change the momentum.

10 years ago she had an affair. We had many years after that were great. I am over it. During this time we learned that she has severe postpartum depression.

Did you work THROUGH all the issues that led up to an affair? or are you just "over it" and put it behind you ... leaving the underlying issues to fester?

Honestly, so very confused as to why she is not moving forward. (I don't want her to).

It is scary, difficult, and confusing to the WAS also. You as plan b (are you OK with being plan b?) makes the transition easier for her. Possibly cake eating...

And so, work on yourself … because -

What LBSs seem to not understand is that their WAS also grieve the loss of the relationship. It may look a little different but they too go through their own little emotional rollercoaster ride. Some weeks they may be sweet and text more, other weeks - they may be mad as dirt and spitting fire.

It can be very hard to grasp the idea that the WAS can miss their spouse... and still move forward with the divorce. Because of this.. the LBS will create false hope. They see positives that may not really be there. Their guard comes down and their changes are challenged. And if the changes aren't for them... this is when they go back to their old selves.

This is why we say things like "believe nothing they say and half of what they do" or "don't backtrack on your hard earned changes”

g