It's wonderful to hear back from you both (DnJ & Kind).
DnJ - you haven't lost your ability to notice what's behind the post. Your comments continue to be helpful & you are absolutely right about the parenting and relationship being entirely different things. If I reflect on it, I think its fear based (again) and that he'll drop the relationship with the kids if theres no hope for us rekindling. As you rightly point out though, this isn't my responsibility. I love that you noticed the fluctuating ability for me to be in the present moment. I'm trying to do this more consciously again (had to practice a lot during the height of it and when trying to detach) & have recently restarted regular mindfulness meditation (very zen!).
Kind18 - thank you for your encouragement and reminder that he's still very much a lost soul. I am indeed worth more than anything he has to offer. I am not responsible for his happiness, only my own. I do still feel sad at the loss but I genuinely have a good life, largely thanks to the amazing support and advice on here. I'm so thankful I listened and followed it even when it felt wrong to do so.