The big struggle is the affair ended right when I knew it did . He called me randomly one day sobbing months ago a few days after his friend was taken off life support . Apologized for not making things right with us for a long time . That not only me but our family was going to be his priority. That he loves me to the depths of the earth and no matter who ever he has been with no one he loves like me . You are the strongest person I know and I’m going to make this right . I never questioned him just had tears falling down my face listening and just let him get it out for over 30 mins . But I knew at that moment he cheated for a long time and regretted it . And it may not have been the right choice but I let it go and his actions followed as he promised they would . Redating his wife . Always checking in and letting me know where he was . Inviting me everywhere with him . Declining invites with the guys for poker night . Even one day gave me to passcode to his phone . I didn’t ask for it . And I never even felt the need to look at it since then . The husband I had for so long waited for finally was there . We had so many talks . The random bomb drop was just that . Like a time bomb buried that was randomly stepped on by a spiteful person that he created . Had it gone off 9 months ago I would have said out the door you go and stay out . I know the number one rule is never try to understand what they are thinking but he has said I’m embarrassed and just can’t even think right . I shouldn’t be married to anyone . You didn’t deserve any of this . He is just a train wreck . He called me earlier I am away with kids . He had texted me earlier wasn’t a question so no answer was needs . Was a make sure you are taking care of yourself I am worried . The call was how are the kids . Gave a few short answers nicely . Didn’t rush off phone but I hung up pleasantly. With in 5 mins he called back and you could just hear it . He doesn’t want to move out . I didn’t tell him he had to since he came clean .
This is starting to sound like your decision making is being influenced by your temporary emotions.
I know you’re in an incredibly hard spot. I don’t envy your position, you must feel torn between demanding to be treated well by him, but also caring deeply for someone you love.
Personally, I think you should avoid this man. You’re going to end up heart broken over and over again if you let your emotions control your decision making.
He has proven time and time again that he can apologise and say what you want to hear when he’s broken/lonely/regretful, but then he’ll still walk away and discard you if it suits him.
Nothing is permanent in his life and brain. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has drinking or drug related addiction issues given these wild swings away and back to you.
About time you put your own mental health first. You’ll always be there if one day he gets it together, but he doesn’t have it together and from what I’m reading, he’s unlikely to ever become stable again.
You and your kids need certainty, stability and calm. Time to draw a line under this, go dark, live separately and place yourself first.
