This is a continuation of my previous thread, "MLC Hubby wants to move out". Well, he's moved out, so it's a new chapter and time for a new thread.
Rumspringa is an Amish term for the time that teenagers take away from their colony to decide if they want to stay with their way of life or to join modern society.
This is what H is going through - trying to decide if he wants to stay with our marriage and life of 25 years or if he wants something else.
How nice for him.
His moving out was a bit of a surprise. Last weekend on Saturday he bought a car and on Sunday he went to the apartment and signed the lease. He never told me his plans, so when I got home from my GAL on Sunday he was gone and didn't return until late. I went to sleep at 11 pm, but first I texted him and accused him of cheating and told him to get out ASAP.
An hour and a half later he's home in bed and tapping me on the shoulder saying he's not cheating, he was at his new apartment because he's "miserable living here." I said "I'm sorry you're so miserable" and rolled over and went back to sleep.
The next day he got up, did a little work and then went to his new apartment and that was that. I was expecting him to say, "I'm moving out on X day." But that would have been too much to ask. He's signed a 6 month lease. I'm not sure 6 months will be long enough, but we'll see.
I'm doing ok. I feel like I need a break too, to tell you the truth. No tears. Maybe I'm just a little numb. But the marriage was at its breaking point, and now it's snapped. Time will tell if we can put it back together. Or not. I'm working on accepting the possibility of "not". "Not" may be the right choice.
I have been GAL'ing like crazy! Really good GAL. He left on a Monday. On Tuesday I went to a concert and sat in the front row. On Wednesday I met up with some old and dear work friends. On Thursday (today) I did a volunteer project and there was a gorgeous happy hour afterwards. I am sharing my story with my friends and getting a range of responses. Some want to know the details and talk about it. Some completely get it. Others don't know what to say. It's all fine. Everyone is supportive.
I made H agree to come here for dinner while S18 and S20 are still home. I am taking S20 back to college this weekend and I told H he had to stay here while I was gone so S18 didn't have to be by himself. I created a detailed "separation agreement" and now H has to sign it. H is not pushing back.
However... H was here this afternoon and left the house with the front door unlocked and back door wide open (behind a locked gate, but still.) This is the kind of behavior that would drive anyone crazy. He's so checked out he can't remember to lock the door. Not the first time either. I've come home to the door actually wide open. Things have been stolen from our car because H forgets to lock it. Etc. This may never change. But right now, there's nothing to compensate for it.
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he's "miserable living here."
This really irks me, but it brings to mind something I've been coming back to over and over again - the idea of me as a surrogate mother. It explains a lot - his hesitancy towards me, his sexual repression, his need for my approval, and now, his rebellion and wanting to leave the house. For anyone new to my sitch, his mom left the family when he was 12ish so he's stuck at age 12. Has not dealt with the trauma, hence the current running away behavior.
