Detaching & setting boundaries w/ clingy boomerang

[MamaG]

I haven't had my pity party yet but I'm sure once everyone clears out of here next month, I'll have one. I also have 2 dogs btw! I am sure I will be leaning on them for comfort and company!

Yup! Those unwelcomed parties sneak up on us, don't they?! Hold fur babies tight. Mine certainly knew when I needed them and had a way of coming around with their puppy dog eyes. Their unconditional love is something I aspire to. Should you 'party', update us here as a way to vent and we will support you.

I would love to see your H get some therapy. Coming from your D, it might be easier for him to hear. Certainly he will never listen to you if you say it.

I've suggested therapy a few times and the last time I did (in April time frame?) he almost appeared to consider it. I wonder if he was 'acting' to appease me but he paused before responding with 'not yet'. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks D and I are tag-teaming him. She and I are similar in so many ways and our reactions have been similar too. Let H wonder.

One thing that I heard a lot when I was going through cancer was "new normal". Well, this is your new normal. Pretty soon it won't feel new, and it will just feel normal, as hard as that seems right now.

I like this!! Thanks for sharing.

My initial feelings when I see happy couples is that of happiness and warmth. I remember feeling unstoppable and so in love. My secondary thoughts are that of missing H and these thoguhts I could do without. For now, this is my 'new normal'. TY

A quote within a quote within a quote. For some reason I feel like watching Inception today. LOL.

Laughing. If only I knew how to keep this going with syntax!

Both H’s and your views are valid and true. The same truth, just different keyholes/lens looking upon the world.

DnJ - your patience and comforting approach really help with understanding. This line really shed light on differing views of his need to come get things. TY. The additional commentary supported this comment and helped me see your thought.

Life just went grey. Nothing had any joy. Nothing had any urgency. If fact, an especially regrettable fact, there was such a lack of urgency or timeliness, I just keep putting off ordering my daughter’s graduation pictures. So much, that they expired. As such, I/we do not have her graduations pictures. Depression is no joke.

This sentiment I understand. No questions nor confusion. I'm sorry you don't have pics from D's graduation. Depression certainly takes us (LBS and MLC) over.

It sounds like D21 considering her responses well. After a year, I’d suspect she’s reasonable worked out Dad’s reactions and responses to her conversations. Worked out, and working out, their relationship.

Yup. D is making progress. S is beginning to see H for what's really happening. Making fewer excuses for him. Believing less of what H says. S is more like H and allowed himself to deny what was really happening until more recently. GF is helping him see things now that S is more ready. Hopeful that S won't suppress much longer. Time will tell. If nothing else, S knows he's supported...when he's ready to vent/talk/share/accept.

I was on the phone with Sister yesterday. During the call, I happened to walk past a window and saw H's truck drive down the street. This was new to me. I mentioned it to Sister. A second later, I get a text from H that he put a receipt in the mailbox for a doctor's office visit. Hmm...H has been coupling dropping off the receipt with coming to get things over the last 7 weeks. Last night, he changed approach. H opted to drop off the receipt without forewarning and no suggestion to get clothes.

And this is another reason that I wonder if H thinks D and I are tag-teaming. He told D earlier this month that he won't reach back out to her (due to her lack of response and shown interest). And, now I'm seeing a change in approach to me (due to my lack of response and shown interest?). Notice the question mark after the second set of parentheses. H hasn't told me anything. H purely behaved differently at week 8 of consistent 'need' to get some clothes.

Going to dinner tonight with Sister, niece and D to celebrate cancer-free. Excited! Haircut manicure tomorrow. Massage on Friday. Volunteering on Sunday with niece and catching a MLB game with her. I keep on GALing in ways I never would have if H hadn't left R.