It’s wonderful to hear from you. Love seeing you back on your feet. And congratulations on ownership of your house.
Good for you, realizing you do not want to lose your hard-earned wisdom and lessons. The old relationship style doesn’t work for you anymore. Highlighted by H’s handling of his proceeds of the house and such. I agree, not what you want, nor deserve, for your bright future.
Originally Posted by MA1970
My current difficulties are trying to navigate a relationship in terms of us being the parents to our children (s20, d17) but also giving him a clear message that there is no future for us, which is bizarre to say given that I joined this site to try and stop separation.
A couple of tips to help minimize the difficulty. No “but”. Consider what you can control.
Do not concatenate parental relationship with romantic relationship. No “but”. Keep them separate.
You only control you. Working to control (navigate) the parental relationship of you and XH towards kids is hard. Heck, very very hard. You only control your portion of that. Instead, focus on your relationship with your kids. Give XH his reins.
I suspect your relationship with the kids is good. Therefore not much difficultly there. No need to take on XH’s difficulties in this. Dealing with what you control, brings clarity.
That clarity is extended into the relationship between you and XH. You cannot control joint parenting. So, do not worry about being clear regarding no romance between you and he. Like I said, the two are not tied together, so no need to bind yourself all up over it. No need to walk on eggshells. Right?
If I may, another difficultly I notice is the tense of things. The future is unwritten and full of opportunities. Be open to it. Deal with, live, the present moment. Let the future reveal itself.
To that end, I see you having difficultly predicting and holding yourself accountable for/to all of the future when stating “there is no future”. You’ll be better served being accurate. There currently is no present connection between you and XH. If, perhaps, XH grows and evolves, does a bunch of inner work, etc. Who knows. The future is unknown to us mere mortals. Yet, in the here and now, nope.
That grounded present day kind of perspective doesn’t majorly change anything you are doing right now. It does change your fretting and difficultly with it though. Live today, and leave tomorrow’s worries for tomorrow.
Originally Posted by MA1970
Hoping I'll reach the stage where it doesn't bother me at some point.
Each step gets us closer.
Have an awesome day!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
