Learning the ropes 2

[MA1970]

Just popping on here for a quick update. I missed mama g's message when I was last on (can't believe it was April) so apologies mamaG for the lack of response.

I'm back on to update in the hope my story will help someone just as others helped me (DnJ, Kind18 I can never thank you enough). It was Dec 22 when MLC ex H began his affair. It actually fizzled out pretty much bang on the research time of 6 months but he was still in limerance & trying to hold on to her. He began divorce proceedings (turns out it was one of his AP's demands) and this was granted in May 24. We're now fully divorced and I've bought him out of the house.

I suppose I'm back on here to say that none of this is easy. My ex H is desperate for us to get back together. I still care deeply about him but I wouldn't have him back. I'm terrified of being on my own but have done a lot of GAL to try and address my fears and have a pretty good social life now. I'm on friendly terms with the ex despite everything he did (& he did plenty!!) but I believe he is still deep in MLC. He is having therapy, which helps but he talks the right story but there is no behavioural change. My gut says he cannot cope with being on his own and wants to be looked after again (by me). I've come too far to fall back into that parental relationship. It's hard though. We recently went to a funeral together and we slotted back into how we had always been & I craved the comfort and security this brought as did he I think.

I'm back doing a lot of self reflection and think I'll probably go back into therapy for a while as this feels like a new stage where I need to fully separate but something draws me back in, which is the familiarity I think. As I said, he's still very much in MLC, evidenced by him spending all the money from the divorce and not investing any. He has no responsibility and takes no accountability. This is not what I want for my future. My current difficulties are trying to navigate a relationship in terms of us being the parents to our children (s20, d17) but also giving him a clear message that there us no future for us, which is bizarre to say given that I joined this site to try and stop separation.

Anyway, enough rambling. This site is fantastic if you follow the advice. It's incredibly tough...it gets better...but it's still really hard. Hoping I'll reach the stage where it doesn't bother me at some point.