Grief and Gratitude, Grok - Shifting

[grok]

Thanks DnJ. It has been a good weekend…though as you’ll see below not without LIFE. It turns out $450 was owed for the medical bill. W had put her email but my physical address. I asked for a paper copy to be sent to me so I can take care of it.

Well,…. Adventures good and bad continue! I continue to make my focus me and my children and our lives.

Hat tip to Clint Eastwood movies…

The Good

Just about all set for our trip to CA to visit my side of the family. We leave in 10 days. For two weeks. Pet care is pretty much all settled using several of D19 and D17’s friends. The dogs will be in a kennel though.

A bunch of the new pictures (selected by me D17 and D19) are up on the wall along with a gold framed mirror on clearance that D17 and I picked. Most of the pictures W had put up over the years are taken down. The decor is morphing into ours sans W.

The Bad

Saturday evening S12 pipes up and says “Dad, that doesn’t sound right”. I hear an intermittent screeeeeech sound out by the outside AC unit. UGH! $%^#&#$%^. Again?!

It sounded like the fan motor bearings going bad. The motor is too hot to touch. Off goes breaker. I swap the new fan blades for the old ones just to check … since the new ones seem to cause MORE vibration than the old damaged ones. Grrrrrr. Sure enough it is smoother and less vibrations but the screeeeeeching comes back intermittently and the motor is still HOT. I FaceTime my dad for a second opinion. He agrees with my diagnosis.

#$^#$%^$. I mean last month when I repaired the AC I had ordered a new motor but didn’t use it because it seemed to be working fine after a capacitor replacement and operating for a week. I just sent that new motor back. And now ordered it again! ($250) It will get here on Wednesday.

Problem is I leave Monday morning for a work trip to CA…the other side of the US. I’ll be back on Friday. I can’t leave a failing electric motor on while I’m not here. Off I run to Sam’s Club to buy a portable AC unit before they close. A 10,000 BTU unit to keep the downstairs below 78 F is costly ($450) but …. We do what we have to. …. I set it up idownstairs and the upstairs reaches 92F during the day. We sleep downstairs.

I’ve set up the kids for the coming week while I’m gone. We shopped for foods. To keep cool they will live and sleep mostly in the downstairs half of the house while I’m gone this week. W’s only remark was D17 and D19 are fine for the week.

The Ugly.

Little dog 2. Some weeks back one of the kids noticed a good sized lump on his behind that seemed to be an ugly color and be weeping. Uh Oh. As I was gone on business travel for the week, kids took a look at it and he got snappy. So W came by and scheduled a vet visit. The soonest was two weeks later. In the mean time I set up kenneling for our upcoming trip to CA. I discovered that W had dropped taking care of the doggies vet requirements. So, updated shots and preventative medicines for all the dogs before kenneling - $650. Little dog 2 diagnostic tests - $700.

As I was there to get all three dog shots taken care of I talked to the vet about little dog 2’s test results. Cancer. Decent sized lumps under the lymph nodes. It is time just for making sure he is comfortable for whatever remaining days are given. I kept thinking about how to talk to the kids about this. And Fear. And Dread.

Wait. What have I learned about Fear this last year and a half? What do I control?

When I got home D17 asked ”What did the doctor say?” She had been asking me for a week to talk to the vet. Moment of truth. I will just be Dad, the emotional rock they can rest on and count on. Tell them straight.

”Little dog 2 has cancer. It can’t be fixed. We will love on him for whatever days he has left.”

S12 burst into tears and left the room. But was back in a couple minutes. I answered their questions. I gave them hugs. They seemed sad but accepting.

the bill will come due
There will be a BIG bill coming due next fall when I have to pay off this past year and a half's extra expenses. ($15k?) I'm gaming the system a little putting it all on interest free credit cards for a year +. I am being safe though, I do have investments / emergency funds I can tap to pay it off if most of this isn't resolved by then.

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