Thanks for the kind words, yes the spot atop the mountain is beautiful and I make sure to make time for a visit, I typically do it before sunset and I make sure to walk uphill and not drive as for me it's a small form of effort. Faith is important to me and I have prayed there every time with intent, never asking for outcomes or things, but for humility, strength and perseverance. I have done my best to live without anxiety over things and to accept whatever happens without questioning it. Conversely every time I pray i feel im giving devotion and the walk down the mountain is almost a form of relief and clarity for me, on many occasions almost imediately i have received subtle signs that my faith and prayers have been listened to. Like phone calls for work where deals move forward or good things on the dating side. This to me has become a standard routine and when i feel intrusive thoughts or begin to think negative thoughts i stop what im doing and make the trek.
On the stbxw side, i have instructed my lawyer to go the court route. There are marriages worth salvaging but this one isnt one, after all the soul searching i realize the quality of life i would have with someone who so easily, willingly and arrogantly defiled everything that was good, demeaned, belittled, destroyed my character and self esteem and is a completely broken person. There are two sayings in the bible that have weighed on me, do not cast pearls before swine and a man is better alone than with a quarrelsome wife. So my lawyer has informed me that theres a possibility that if a court date has to be set then i have to appear in person, although i did not like this, i have accepted it and will deal with it when the time comes. I have purposely not allowed any of this to affect me. I sold my wedding ring a couple of days ago and i really felt nothing not a sense of loss, not even a sense of relief, just nothing. I'm glad I did it and I think my heart and mind are ready for anything now. What has to happen i will accept. I have done my best to stay humble and not feed into pride and it has helped me in my career and in my day to day life.
While I understand the idea of divorce busting, I belive one has to question deeply what it is that you want for your life. It gets to a certain point it's not worth giving up who you are for someone that only values the person in front of the mirror.
On a side note: I'm considering getting a tattoo, not as an erratic decision but to remind myself of what I have been through and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My initial choice might be a phoenix rising from the ashes a sort of rebirth and beginning of new life with the flame of life
Any other interesting ideas for a tattoo in the same vein would be welcome here as well
