Grief and Gratitude, Grok - Shifting

[grok]

Well, It's been a week. I SEE you all.

I keep having half formed posts written in my head. and then real life means kids and GAL comes first. I did find in the old posts how people met outside the DB site. Minor bits of cleverness...making an account using the username here as a username in that social network ... book of faces. First or last name playing on DB. You can find me there.

Public/State school has started here, the roads are a mess, and schedules for activities have all changed. D17's gymnastics schedule changed to evenings now. S12 and D17 both have all day Tuesday home-school coop day now. Monday night activities are S12's scout like troop for a couple hours and then making lunch/school prep with D17 and S12 for the next day.

gratitude
Last night, after work, I got home and helped S12 finish making the mac-n-cheese that was on the stove. STBXW had just arrived to drop S12 off and started it. I made some "pigs-in-a-blanket" for when D17 and D19 got home. Then I went out to my now regular Tuesday trivia night at the pub ... taking a bowl of PiaB with me for my regular crew to snack on. Some got eaten and some did not, but I got smiles all around, which felt good. They asked where kids were this week (sometimes they stop by and join in for 30 minutes, for me to buy them sodas and sandwiches).

F, who I got to know first at the pub, asked me how I was doing and told me off to the side that he and his W, J, had discussed splitting. They hadn't so far...kids and all. My words to him were "you don't stay together for the kids...that is the wrong frame...you repair the broken bits in your relationship for the kids and yourself." He expressed compliments on how I was handling it and the kids.

At the end of trivia when we were saying goodbyes (We WON, $50 gift card), J, his wife, came over, gave me a hug, and said "we love you. we think you are doing an amazing job." I was not expecting that.

grief
After one of the rounds I picked up my phone and saw W had called twice, messaged, and D17 had called. Messages showed "can you pick D17 up?" "hello?" "never mind" "Ms. S is taking D17 home" I tried to call D17 since I was a 5-minute drive from her gymnastics.

she messaged back.

"mama forgot me"

"I have a ride home"

G, "hugs"

D17, hugs emoji

From the security cams I saw W stopped by home for 10 minutes right about when D17 got dropped off.

When I got home I asked D17 where her school tote was. It has what she needs to work on for the rest of the week.

D17, "I don't know dad. I think mama forgot to leave it. It must be in her car."
G, "OK. We'll figure it out tomorrow. It's time to walk the dogs and get ready for bed. Time to stop hitting your brother with pillows so he can get ready."

This morning I was out walking big dog at 0615 before sunrise. I see W's car zoom by...stop at the house...the doorbell sensor alerted on my phone...and a minute later she zooms back away. When I arrived home I see D17's school tote on the front porch. I guess D17 complained ... STBXW? ... I guess those emotions are putting plenty of pressure on her so she delivered before dawn without a word.

g

PS. Karma Fields. I had been trying to remember this artist. They stuck in my mind because of the interesting visuals generated from the music properties.

.me by Karma Fields
[Intro]
I'm just trying to figure myself out
Trying to pick up somehow

[Verse 1]
Parts of me
Pieces of memories
Feels like everything's moving
I don't know where it's going

Wish I could see the light in me
Where I should put my feet to move ahead
I'll go anywhere

[Bridge]
I'm just trying to figure myself out
Trying to figure myself out