Been awhile since I posted. Short summary: Bd 4/22, typical by the book interaction. Admitted there was om. Didn’t think she wanted to work things out. Next day she said she would end it with om and work on us. Caught them together at a park. She moved out. Gave her ultimatum-end the affair now or we’re through (I had not discovered DB yet). She ended it and moved home on Memorial Day ‘22. Things were rough, she obviously wasn’t happy being back home with me and we fought a lot. I discovered DB and started trying my best to db. Wasn’t always successful. I left out that om was a coworker. In February of 23 my father in law became ill and bedridden in a care facility. Suddenly she tells me that everything is good with us despite telling me not more than a week earlier that she wasn’t happy, didn’t know what to do. I understood that our relationship needed to take a back seat to the problems her dad was having. Did my best to be supportive and put our r on the back burner. In October 23 fil moved in with us. Mil also. Super stressful 6 months then fil took a turn for the worse. He passed away 4/24.
Fast forward to now. I am struggling daily to believe she really wants to be with me. Still works closely with om despite me expressing that I will never be comfortable with it. Our r lacks any feeling of closeness. I don’t think it will ultimately work. I feel lonely and unloved most of the time. I try occasionally to plan alone time or a date night and it very rarely works out. I have mostly stopped that. Our last dinner out ended badly. We were back home sitting outside talking. I went in the house for a drink and heard her phone beep from a missed call. Looked to see if our son or daughter had called as they were out. It was om. I was angry and ultimately instigated a huge fight. Right or wrong, I lost my cool. Of course it was all my fault and I’m never going to get over it or forgive her. Doesn’t matter that he called, apparently I should not think it was a problem, he probably just accidentally called. I left out that he showed up to the funeral home after my fil passed and hugged her while I was talking to some other people.
I really don’t know what to do. I still love her and want to be with her. I don’t believe she wants to be with me yet she is still here. I might be causing myself pain because I’m am having trust issues and don’t want to be naive. I think if she was serious about our relationship she would find a new job and put some effort into the relationship. At times I tell myself to just move on and start over. I still love her and the thought of leaving her breaks my heart.
