H sent another text this morning..." Gm! if I get out of work at a decent time (which hasn't happened all summer) I'll stop over to get things." H must really want his belongings. That's F, Sat and today with similar outreaches to me for his things.
H’s texts aren’t really about his belongings. It’s the dance.
My XW texts or calls the kids nonstop until they respond. As soon as they respond she has nothing to say and goes silent running again, for weeks or months.
Originally Posted by MamaG
What did I do? Nothing
Good. There was no question that needed an answer.
Originally Posted by MamaG
I've asked myself why don't I respond? What exactly is my reasoning? a boundary? no question therefore no response?
People will treat you as you allow them to.
Boundaries are your response to disrespectful behaviour. A response derived by your self confidence, self worth, self respect, and such.
Originally Posted by MamaG
Question on boundaries....to share or not to share.
A boundary can be implemented without ever verbally stating it. The message comes more from the action.
Boundaries need to be rock solid, for they will be tested. Let them test. Boundaries reflect one’s inner values and worth. Pretty easy once one’s realized, categorized, and organized their convictions. What they are truly standing for.
Originally Posted by MamaG
After considering why I don't respond to H, I realize that there are a few drivers. - I'm giving him the space he's asked for. - I'm removing myself from the emotional harm's way that comes from breadcrumbing. - I'm protecting myself from the emotional abuse derived from his coping mechanism. To prevent H from disrespecting me by leaving in the middle of a conversation or conflict, I just don't allow myself to engage.
All valid and good.
H leaving mid conversation when things go against his narrative is rather childish. Alas, teenager H. Lots of growing up needed for that man.
Originally Posted by MamaG
How do you feel about me sharing my boundary when H asks me why I ignore him? If you're agreeable to me sharing the boundary out loud, is this what it should sound like?
H, I haven't engaged because it's never clear if a conversation will be completed or if you'll leave in the middle of it. Walking away is a form of emotional abuse that I won't tolerate.
If H continues to push for a reason why you are ignoring his texts/him, I’d likely state something clearly to him. Remove blaming him, and focus more on what he does and the action you’ll take.
A boundary template goes like: When you do ___, I feel/it is ___. Therefore, when you ___, I will ___.
H, when you leave in the middle of a conversation, it is disrespectful. Therefore, when you choose to walk away, I will not engage you.
Such will set the stage pretty clearly.
However, like I said, a boundary need not be spoken. Its message is stated by your actions. If you choose to tell H, do so only once. Repeating boundaries just waters them down.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
