Grief and Gratitude, Grok - Shifting

[grok]

Returning home

As DnJ said

Quite enjoyable.

And also, nice to be back home.

My work trip last week went well and was socially fun with the others.

While I was driving to lunch with three other men in the car one day I got a call from D17. I messaged I can’t talk but she kept calling. It turned out W was there with a flat tire. D17 was changing it. She called looking for some of the tools and some advice. Well… she got good advice from all the men in the car…LOL. They thought is was awesome that D17 was taking charge and doing the job. They all wondered what the heck W was doing/not doing. And why W wasn’t using the roadside service # that I paid for with the original warranty purchase. I have no idea and didn’t ask.

I arrived back home Friday evening and loved on the kids. I waited until the next morning late to ask for their help in household pickup/cleanup that didn’t happen while I was gone. A reset relax day plus back to school shopping for D17 and S12 supplies with D19 advising. Picked up burrito supplies for dinner we all helped make.

Sunday… ooof. up, animals, make some breakfast things, herd them out the door for church, 79c Slushies for all on the way home, make lunch, NAP. 2:30p…. No more time for resting. S12 and I head out for groceries and supplies for the week. D19 and D17 go out for shirts and dress shopping. Back home and then take D17 to practice driving. Make dinner things, We all make next day lunch things, loose at connect 4 game to D17, kitchen cleanup, animals, get ready for bed time. Whew!

I noticed I feel a bit irritated when the kids are at home spending happy time with W. Why? I’m not sure. It feels like ignoring this destruction and treating it like W expressed once, ”The parenting class told me we’re still family, we just have two separate homes.”

A conversation before my travel
Alt title - On why I mentioned her the rowboat in the storm and me attempting to be the lighthouse

W came over early in the evening while I was eating a salad D17 and I made.

W, ”Can I talk to you without the children please?”
G, ”Sure, let’s go outside.”

W, ”Are you considering asking for 100% custody? Have you considered it? I wanted to ask because I can tell when people are lying.”
G, pause, think, ”No. I have not considered sole custody. I’m not keeping the kids from you.”

I did NOT voice any of my speculative considered options. I have not considered sole custody because her behavior so far and the kids living with me did not raise those concerns. I have, however, been aware of her behaviors and have my thresholds where I would be concerned.

W, ”THEY have been psychologically attacking me. Their techniques work even when I know they are techniques… Telling me I’ll be considered I’m an unfit parent and lose my kids.”.

She starts weeping gently. I have no reason to believe it isn’t genuinely what she believes and feels.

”G, that is the one thing that would break me. … THEY sabotaged my water, it’s why I permanently lost running water in my RV. My job cleaning the RV park facilities has been interfered with and vandalized. THEY have caused me trouble all over the county. THEY call themselves Christians…when they are not Christian like at all. G, be careful who you tell things to. ”

G, I listened with full attention. No other expressions than focused attention. ”OK W. …. and… You know… I’ve said… whatever is on paper, I’m not keeping the children from you. “

W nods and departs.

Backstory gleaned from conversations with W - THEY refers to OM’s circle of friends/acquaintances who were not part of the initial seduction game. When THEY found out what was really going on … all were upset with her and have been persecuting her ever since. On social media and the real world. How much is true reality? I don’t know.

I reflected none of my internal commentary…. The children are NOT a tool for me.

This is the only place I vent this. It would not be helpful. Vindictive/angry parts of me felt -
- what did you expect passive aggressively attempting the destruction of two families?
- Chasing an EA, divorce, in hopes OM would kick his wife to the curb is unfit parenting,
- how dumb are you (she is not BTW) to think there is such a thing permanent running water loss in an RV? It is just plumbing in ground or vehicle.
- It’s not within Christian principles to do what you are doing.
- Of all the people in this world, you should know me better than to think I carelessly or vindictively tell people things.

Compassionate me had me wondering about detachment -
- I am grieved W is under this pressure. It still hurts to see.
- thinking your children will be taken from you by a court …. … no words.
- I could fix plumbing… no, I’m not going to.
- genuine tears/pain make me want to hold her. Then I think no, she wants OM to hold her.


Redemption Song by Apollo LTD

Everybody's got a story
And here's a little bit of mine
Took a prodigal fall from glory
'Til I finally saw the light
…
This is my redemption song
My heart cries hallelujah
Who I was is dead and gone
And the old me's looking new, yeah
You filled my soul with melodies
Heaven won't stop singing over me
I'm a child of God and I belong
This is my redemption song

Now I've got a hope and future
This is what freedom's like
I'm running to a new tomorrow
And I'm leaving yesterday behind

g