Originally Posted by The dance of pursuit and distance
When you detach and distance yourself from your spouse, notice how they start coming around, being nice, etc.? Well, he/she feels that you are not pursuing them. They want the chase, they want you to pursue them so that they can come back and slam dunk you all over again. It's a dance of madness. They may not even be aware of what they are doing, but once you snap up the niceness all over again, they will most definitely come back w/anger to distance themselves from you again for their safety and security.

Man oh man, this is so spot on. I found myself reading this thread again and not only does it make sense, it is happening at this house. I may sound excited. In actuality, I'm more relieved that I didn't totally lose him from lack of responding. I know that if I reached out to a friend this much and didn't get a response, I wouldn't continue reaching out.

Got the morning text from H again that he'll come tonight. Valeska19, I took what you said into consideration and opted to not respond to H at all. This evening, I rec'd a text that tonight isn't going to work as he pulled his hamstring. (Life is really getting real for H. Feeling reality.) It feels horrible to not respond to H despite his many texts but as a result, H is relentless now with his outreaches. Do more of what works and less of what doesn't. I just counted 6 texts to me without a single acknowledgement nor response from me. I've asked myself, when will I respond to H?...I don't want to the "slam dunk". That's for sure.

D was harassed with numerous texts again today. H is trying very differently with her. There are questions about why she doesn't answer him. Comments about he'll always be her dad and that he loves her. Definitely different outreaches. (I'm at peace with this ... just an observation.)

Talked with S for an hour today. I'm so proud of him. He's approaching the close of his first year in his career and learned today that he's up for promotion. I love that he pursued the difficult engineering degree and stuck with it through COVID years. So proud of him. Looking forward to seeing him and GF this weekend as we celebrate my mom's bday.
 
For me, today was a day in the city to confirm that cancer hasn't returned. I'm happy to report that not only did I not get chauffeured by H (first time), but I also rec'd the best news - I'm cancer free. No better news could have been sent my way. Thank you God!