After considering why I don't respond to H, I realize that there are a few drivers. - I'm giving him the space he's asked for. - I'm removing myself from the emotional harm's way that comes from breadcrumbing. - I'm protecting myself from the emotional abuse derived from his coping mechanism. To prevent H from disrespecting me by leaving in the middle of a conversation or conflict, I just don't allow myself to engage.
How do you feel about me sharing my boundary when H asks me why I ignore him? If you're agreeable to me sharing the boundary out loud, is this what it should sound like?
H, I haven't engaged because it's never clear if a conversation will be completed or if you'll leave in the middle of it. Walking away is a form of emotional abuse that I won't tolerate.
I wouldn't share them. He will most likely use ammo against you. And frankly... it's none of his business anymore. He's fired you as his W - he doesn't get that kind of info.
If you want to allow him to come get his things - you could do something to control the situation to make it safer for you. You could set the time to make sure you aren't home therefore not engaging with him
If tonight works for you - you could say. "Ok. The available time I have is blank".
Or if tonight doesn't work - You could say.
"Tonight doesn't work for me. Times that work are these dates and these times."
Keep it short. And remember - just because he asks questions, doesn't mean you have to answer them. It's not about being rude. It's about setting the expectation that if he isn't going to respect your heart - he's not getting access to it.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
