DnJ - thanks for the great advice on the water pipes. I ordered some parts to get the screen off the faucets - they don't just pop off. I'll be looking for settlement or otherwise as I continue trying. This weekend I'd like to get some power washing done. The power washer has been temperamental so it'll be a bit before I can get it to start. Crossing my fingers.
So, I'm sensing a shift and while I'd like to celebrate, I'm trying to contain myself. When I say 'celebrate', I'm celebrating a potential small win. I've read on here somewhere that progress is measured by movement through the tunnel. For this reason, I feel like there may be an oppty to celebrate. Time will tell.
As part of my concerted effort to detach in the first couple days of May, I haven't reached out to H for anything. I'm not initiating contact nor making requests of him....not even things that pertain to the house or kids. H did take me to a mid-May appt as he offered and I accepted. Still, that was 2 months ago.
I've been GALing, fixing stuff around the house, took a vaca, all while healing from surgery....and, minding my own business. Some good days; more not so good days, but I'm trying. One day at a time.
H and I haven't shared moments, work, lives, dilemmas, anything. H has reached out here and there to see how I'm recovering and he has been trying to come here for stuff over the last month....I've been unengaging and pushing him off, almost dismissive. As you know, H came here on 7/8 for a quick 5 minutes. I didn't welcome him and he saw that my arms weren't doing well despite no call to him for help. I guess that was too much emotion and he left. Well, I'm not putting pressure on this guy. Nope, not me.
DnJ, I responded as you suggested to his request to come get clothes this week...'I boxed up your personal belongings....let's plan for Th night.' I got a quick 'sounds good' response. I could hear the reality behind the positive remark - I know that he wasn't good with his stuff getting packaged and put in a basement - and knew right away that he was feeling my distancing and 180. Perhaps, feeling my loss and his consequences.
Later that day, to confirm that my text hit him like a ton of bricks, I learned that he reached out to D with a 'woe is me' text. H said something about having broken down mentally a few times that day for the first time in weeks. It was a tough day but he's home and safe. What is D supposed to do with that? rhetorical.... I actually don't think she responded at all. (I know that I can't control the relationship between D and H.)
Thursday morning comes and I get a lengthy and detailed text from H that starts with "Good morning". Wow, Good morning? This is a surprise, a change.
H isn't sure if today is going to work bc he doesn't feel well. H provides me all sorts of details about how sick he was the night before & all of the symptoms he was feeling, but that he's headed to work. Really? I think to myself, for someone who has been dormant & distant, this is a lot of sharing.
I don't respond.
H sends a subsequent text 15 minutes later to inform me that he's not going to work. Rather, he's going back to bed. Again, strange to get a play by play of his morning - this is the life I lived for many decades but not the recent year.
Again, I don't quickly respond to his text. In this case, I was so confused behind his need to provide me with so much detail. He's been so secretive. Why now?
I finally respond with 'that s*cks. feel better'. It took hours to land on these words....
This morning, another text update from H. What? What's going on? H says, "I'm feeling better today. Made it to work." I still haven't responded.
Again, I want to celebrate the possible movement through this dark tunnel, especially since I (we all) know how hard it is to be a LBS through the uncertain no contact times. Vets have made it clear that I can't fix H bc I didn't break him. BUT, what do I do with this? What do I make of this?
And, I know in time, H will eventually come for his boxed belongings...whether this week or next. DnJ has mentioned that I shouldn't even be home when H comes by. Or, to be busy and preoccupied while he packs his stuff up. That's my plan. IF, and I know it's an IF, but a likely IF...H asks questions about why I packed his things, what is my reason?
Is it recommended that I respond with - While I don't think D is the answer, I understand our marriage is over and am looking to heal for my next chapter.
Or
- I respect you and your decision to no longer be married. You've made it clear and I'm accepting of his wishes.
