update with my divorce over i was feeling a lot better but.....
“But….”
Oh the infamous “but”. Justification, exception to the rule, reason to ignore and do/continue what one knows runs counter to their best interests.
I’ve seen many folks, here and IRL, jump into another relationship far too soon. The rush of infatuation and endorphins mistaken for acceptance and leading one to cease their difficult and necessary inner work. That pause is temporary. At some point all that stuff not processed and grieved does takes hold again. Being wrapped up in a new relationship makes it all the more harder and usually compounds one’s inner work with a barrage of other events and feeling and such. Or even more significant like a proposal or marriage or child, when one is still not healed.
One year past the signing and the courts accepting the divorce is, IMHO, the minimum I’d recommend before jumping back into the pool. So much gets stirred up in us during: BD, break up, separation, negotiation, divorce drafts, divorce agreement signed, divorce signed by courts, and finally being divorced. Each of those has their own slew of problems, feelings, pains, hurts, and so on. All take time to get through. And really cannot be rushed, only deferred.
You need only look back 60 days to recall being adrift. Lost. Hurt.
You have made significant progress with your grief. Your counselling is helping rather well methinks.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
I don't want to think about her anymore. this may sound harsh but i don't want to care about her anymore.
I suspect you have obtained more than a taste of indifference towards XW. Indifference is a strange thing. Such a numbness, an attenuation of one’s feelings. Yet one must be cautious for nature abhors a vacuum. Other emotions will loom and appear much larger than they are in the void of what once was.
Indifference is a time, an opportunity, for one to take stock of themselves free from the emotional cacophony of their spouse/ex-spouse. A golden opportunity for one’s inner work while indifferent to the words and behaviours of their once loving partner.
Indifference, like all feelings, is temporary. It will unwind. Old feelings do return. Along with a bunch of new ones.
At least one year, of sincere work. Know thy self, before bringing another soul into a relationship.
My two cents.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
