Glad to hear that everyone is over whatever bug when through your household.
The duration of W’s roadside goodnights is some of the settling that occurs. Along with her directly informing the kids of her arrival. I’d not be surprised to see her start missing days too. Even getting to no goodnights. That is the likely evolution of such visits.
Originally Posted by grok
The kids seemed to be irritated that she came in and caused disruption to the evening routine.
Yes, kids, us, are all creatures of habit. Part of their healing is forming new routines (they had to after all) and Mom interfering and messing with their now comfortable nighttime routine will not go over well. They would not likely tolerate such disruptions for long.
As to the court date snafu. Which isn’t really, sounds like W just flaked or missed an email.
Originally Posted by grok
The message brought up feelings mild anger, irritation, and nausea.
Well done identifying and listening to your emotions. Really good to not respond while emotionally stirred - giving yourself that 24-48 hour buffer.
You have a couple of choices: Say nothing and let her contact the courts and get her stuff straightened out on her own. Or you can provide some level of guidance and/or information.
The first, remaining dim/dark is fine. You have no need to let her know your schedule as it already decided. Letting her feel and figure out her court dates is part of that heavy lifting. It’s ownership and responsibility of her ensuring her divorce process stays on the rails. 30 days and she hasn’t hear anything and didn’t do anything. Not really your problem, you have your information. She’s a grown woman, and she fired you as her supportive husband; allow her to feel it. To lay in the bed she made.
The latter choice is also acceptable. Be it at a minimal level, IMHO. You could let W know you received an email from the courts weeks ago and she might want to contact them to ensure her email correspondence is working correctly. You could provide her the date, although I’d lean to not.
With a court date and appointment for deliberation/negotiation, do you have a L? I suspect you do. At such a point into this process I’d be more dark and leave communications and the keeping of things running smoothly to my L. Not placing boulders on the path, nor paving it either. Also keeping your mental and emotional health a priority.
I’d likely go with option one. Like I said, W likely flaked, or it’s her attention span like that of a gnat, or she’s playing you and digging for information, or whatever. Nothing you need fix or control. Focus on you.
How was the campout? Did S12 and you have a good time?
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
