ive been dating a girl for 2 months. we have spent a lot of time getting to know each other. we have talked everyday since meeting. we get along great our phone conversations last around 3 to 4 hrs. we have had 12 dates including 6 overnights together. we have great passion and chemistry. our values line up and we have great communication. we are both overthinkers and have trust issues from past relationships but we have been good at reassuring each other.
Wasn't your divorce final in May? So basically you jumped into another relationship before the ink was even dry on the papers.
pretty much but I had felt like I was ready.
Originally Posted by Valeska19
Originally Posted by aphexx13
the problem is her last boyfriend made her feel like she couldnt meet his expectations he also cheated on her for the entire time they were together. she has 3 kids so time isnt always there. when our plans fall through she feels like shes letting me down if i act disappointed. i try to reassure her that its ok and im not upset i just miss seeing her.
She needs to be okay with you being disappointed. At the same time - you seem you require validation from your partner? Have you read anything about attachment styles?
yes I have. we are both anxious preoccupied. I thought our same attachment style would lead to understanding each other and how important reassurance is.
Originally Posted by Valeska19
Originally Posted by aphexx13
our plans fell through Wednesday which i told her was fine. this has been a difficult month for me because i had my daughter for june and my ex gets her for july so im missing her. thursday i told my girlfriend i was felling down and she took it as me being down about not seeing her and our plans falling through on wednesday. i assured her that we were fine and that it was over my daughter. we talked it out and we were fine and we told each other we loved each other.
friday morning my girlfriend said she was concerned that she wasnt meeting my expectations and couldnt give me what i need. she also said we felt off and she needed time to think and clear her head. one thing that has been stressing her out is when school starts it gets very hectic and we wont have a lot of time together. i reassured her that we will work it out but as school gets closer she doesnt seem convinced i will be ok.
her last text was " i just need some time. i dont want to hurt you but it seems off" i reminded her that our talks usually help bring her out of her tailspin and that its normal for couples to have off days. i said i love you and i will always be there for you. she hasnt responded since.
This doesn't sound like love. This sounds like two unhealed people trying to be in a relationship w/o having done the work on themselves as individuals.
probably, i thought we could help each other
Originally Posted by Valeska19
If I recall - when you came to this board, you were depressed and suicidal. It was difficult for you to be alone. What have you worked on to be comfortable with being alone?
i have been seeing a councilor and living alone and being happy with myself. ive been very selective with dating not jumping in with anyone.
Originally Posted by Valeska19
The board recommends at least a year before jumping into another relationship, however I don't think you will take that advice as it will make you too anxious.
it definitely does.
Originally Posted by Valeska19
You know the old saying. Those you don't learn from their mistakes, are doomed to repeat them.
very true
Last edited by DnJ; 07/15/2402:21 PM. Reason: Cleaned up quote syntax for clarity of conversation.
