I have trouble swallowing pills too. Kind of funny as my regiment has had me on a weekly dose for years now. One would think it be easy by now. Alas, no. I do find it much easier to swallow pills when they are “hidden”; not just in water. My go to favourite is tomato juice.
Blame and forgiveness.
The road to forgiveness start with identifying the hurts and transgressions. And yes, assigning blame.
This blame does need to be expressed, and it is normal and healthy to for it to be expressed as hate. Ensure you assign/choose the correct/appropriate target(s) for such hatred. The deed. The transgression. Not the person. That is a key distinction.
Such hating, and for the moment unforgiving emotions, do feel powerful. Watch out, it’s an insidious trap. A deception. For it only masks our pain, our hurt, our vulnerability. That strength is an illusion. It keeps you shackled and stuck.
In time, and with purposeful conscious choice one starts to let go. To write paid in full on that invoice we are carrying in our heart. To no longer define ourselves as victim.
That previous distinction between sinner and sin becomes evermore important. Only God can forgive a person, a soul. We mere mortals do not, cannot, see all ends. Trying to forgive the person places one on some moral high ground. Looking down and deciding who to dispense to forgiveness upon or not. That is folly!
For, if one had lived, endured, the same pains/path as our spouse, would we have done similar? For me, I do not know. It’s easy to think I’d/we’d never do such a thing. It’s easy to blame and hate. Take the next step.
We let go our hatred. We open ourselves up to God. Open ourselves up to our own pain. Repeatedly. Often. And the wisdom/forgiveness seeps in:
Love the sinner. Forgive the sin.
Forgiveness is so much more powerful, yet doesn’t feel it. Peace feels oddly less and yet much much more. Freedom from those feelings of retribution, grudges, and such. A peace and contentment which is quite literally difficult to imagine until you are there.
We get out of the way, and let God take over. And the big reveal, it’s our life and journey we get out of the way of. Forgiveness is about you. Letting go and moving forward in your healing.
It is amazing!
One day, you wake up and find yourself thinking, feeling, and even believing differently about that person/transgressor. You will even pray for them. Sincerely, pray for them.
Your hurt has diminished.
You realize you are free!
You might not like them, yet you do forgive them. And forgiveness does not preclude holding them accountable.
It makes little sense until you find your way. I’ve had many people tell me they’d never forgive someone if they did that to them. Or what XW did is unforgivable. Non-forgiveness, or more correctly not forgiving, is a common view, especially in our society where we are bombarded with blame-filled messages all the time. It’s all around us, blaming and hating.
Let go. Be better, not bitter.
Be a beacon. Walk in the light.
You’re on the path. Keep moving forward.
Have a wonderful Sunday.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
