If H doesn't take his belongings, do I continue to store them, do I drop them off to him, bring them to a storage unit & give him a key? What do I do with packed belongings that he'll likely not take with him? I imagine that he'll be emotionally driven to 'escape and avoid' without his belongings. And, it'll feel like he's losing control?
I would not put it in a storage unit and give him the key. Outside of that - it's up to YOU to think about what makes experience less suffering for YOU.
Your job IS NOT to worry about what he wants versus what he doesn't want. It needs to just be put into 1 category "his stuff". Let him worry about what he wants to keep or not. Stop trying to figure him out or how he respond. It's a cheeseless tunnel.
Practically speaking - If you need pack up his items in steps - that's okay. For me - when I was angry, I used it to pack up stuff or down the road - toss stuff. Emotions are strong so if I was crying, I was ruminating about the past versus living in the present. I was giving so much power to the "stuff"... but when you can detach a little bit you realize it's just physical items - the memories will always be there.
You still seemed a little too worry about how your H will respond to your taking care of yourself. I sense your hesitation to take these next steps.
It makes sense. Whether we are getting legal advice, moving out our partner's stuff, settlng boundaries.. all of these things knock down the denial of the situation. Each step makes it a little bit more real... which is painful!
However as I mentioned before... we have to look at reality. Currently your H is gone and only interested in his needs and wants. You have two choices. You can put your head in the sand and let him call the shots... financially, emotionally etc. Or you can take control of your part of the equation.
There is no way to avoid the situation (which is awful). No way to avoid the pain. However how long and how much you choose to suffer... that's entirely within your control.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
